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Preparations of Whole Being Weekend
Do some things and prep for Whole Being Weekend.
Date: 9/10/2008 12:55:46 PM ( 16 y ) ... viewed 1183 times
10:47 AM
September 10, 08
"The Day has come
to take an accounting of my life."
--From B'nai Horin High Holiday Book
From MAY I BE FORGIVEN
by Leslie
May I be Forgiven for how hard I have been on myself.
May I be Forgiven for doing too much.
For filling my Computer Mind to the brim.
For feeling I am not enuf.
Very Schocking to see this.
Spent the last two days in my own room
rather than in the backyard under the Olive Tree.
Randy called late last night.
We talked for about twenty minutes.
He has been having fun traveling.
He is about to go to the Raw Spirit Festival.
I had energy about a month ago for that too.
He went ot Burning Man. So did Norman.
I have been here taking an Accounting of my Life.
I am very stressed over what I am seeing.
This is Basement work.
I was wanting to open up a tif on my computer
to see if I can print the 24 x 36 of Seeding our Dreams.
The computer crashed twice.
There is only so much I can do today.
The rent needs to go in.
I would like to get this tif into Fromex.
Can they get it out by tomorrow morning?
Could they get it out by five today?
That woudl really work.
Deep pain around my heart
working in my room and seeing what appears
as much still birth.
I wish I could see the good I have done,
and the completes.
10:58 AM
Called Ron at Fromex.
Can he do a 24 x36 for me by tomorrow morning?
He has a big order. Not sure if he has enough paper.
He can't make any promises.
My heart sinks.
Why is my self esttem and good feeling based on
a need to perform and do new things?
...a need to do?
I better work on the rent.
A Churchbell is ringing.
Work on rent, please, Leslie
Attempt to be O.K. doing less.
1:10 PM
Feeling very unnerved.
Can I make this transition from Basement/Room Cleanup
to prep for Whole Being Weekend.
I am in shock at my experience in my room.
Notebooks and Notebooks on Plant Your Dream
rough papers all the way back to 99.
They have been sitting here all this time on my shelves.
There was one small edition of PLANT YOUR DREAM BOOK.
Going to stop and work with Chef Jem a bit on the EG Mobile.
Want to clear it.
6 :31 PM
Ron at Fromex did a great job getting out a
24x36 of the new tif of the Sunflower Seed blowups.
It sees it as a bit pixelated.
This is the first time I have blown this up.
I had him further crop the white border.
I was thinking it would go in a white border frame
so many that does not work.
I am in not state of mind to tell what looks good.
It felt good working with Chef Jem and getting his help
for about three hours on the EG Mobile.
That felt more manageable.
I need to get my head out of this low place.
The blow cost $37.00.
I thought I would get it mounted but at the last minute I bawked.
I also brought in a frame, a heavy frame,
too heavy to carry up to the Whole Being Weekend.
I am not telling the whole truth about my feelings.
I feel too vulnerable.
6:36 PM
Another good thing.
My heart was starting to sink.
Kunio said the Shiatsu back support would arrive.
It was not here all day.
I feel I need that to drive up their to Idyllwild.
My leg has been going numb.
Oh I wrote "dumb."
Thank you. That is how I feel.
deep down.
All the notebooks...undone...
bring up feelings of being a failure.
I constantly find ways to overcome feeling there is
something wrong with me by creating.
Better go wash the EG Mobile in the last glimmers of light.
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