Cancer - My Decision to Live!
Diagnosed with an ovarian cancer. Refused a surgery. Decided to live!
Date: 8/29/2008 3:05:07 PM ( 13 y ) ... viewed 1656 times
It was the New Year's Eve. 2000 was just knocking on the window covered by frost. I knew something was wrong - felt as if something had been eating me inside... In the autumn, I had awaken many days in a raw - with deep, down depressive thoughts. Would open my eyes with a strong dose of coffee and stare at the rainy-gray Warsaw streets and say to myself: 'God... If this is life... Please stop the train. I'm getting OFF!'
And certainly this life meant: slowly dying.
Until I was diagnosed.
First - by a psychic! During the New Year's Party. What an entry to a New Millennium. She said: 'Go and get tested. Ovaries.' And - looked at me very serious. '16 stones in your liver... Hypoglycemia...' Yeah. Knew what that means. My legs would become clay several times during the day, if I had not supplied a bar of Snickers. Sugar shot and I was alright. A foreplay for diabetes. On top of it - the pain in my abdomen. When I was making love, when I bowed down, lifted something... Felt as if something was eating me inside.
'Where are your ovaries, Madame?' - the doctor wondered when making an ultra-sound. The cysts were bigger than life and shaped like califlower. They sent me for tests. Then they sent me for surgery. The verdict was pronounced. I had cancer.
I returned home and told my husband.
- Don't worry... - he said - You will be all right.
He waved his hand, as if I was talking about a dress I was gonna buy, but couldn't afford. Well... It wasn't a dress. It wasn't a phone-bill. It was cancer.
'Is this the same guy I've been taking care of? Running back and forth with kitchen-bedroom-kitchen-bedroom tea supplies, whenever he had fever?' Now. I had cancer. And - no one cared...
That day I have realized: 'I am responsible for only one life. My own.'
And have decided that this life - from today on - shall not be dripping between my fingers. I shall gasp it and drink it - as if a pure and endless mountain spring. I put my fingers knit together and made my grip on life tighter than ever before.
Called every women I knew: 'What are cysts? Do you know? Have you known a person, who healed them?' They all operated. And one - actually lost an overy, by surgical accident. 50 percent less chance of having a babe!
Didn't tell anyone a word of cancer. Didn't tell myself!
- Can you tell me, please - I asked the doctors... - What is the cause of my disease?
- We do not know anything about the cause...
Hmm... Silence on my part, too.
- Gentlemen - I have replied. - With all respect, if you can't tell me about the cause, why would I listen to you about the solution?
I have refused to go for surgery.
Instead, looked death into the eyes and - have decided to LIVE!
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