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Light a Candle
in process...writing more on this now.
Date: 8/18/2008 10:07:30 AM ( 16 y ) ... viewed 1273 times
7:40 AM
August 18, 2008
When things really get rough,
I light a candle on my desk.
I am out of candles.
I woke up early today.
I was reflecting on the internal feeling
of this Dark Night of the Soul that goes
beyond just me.
Angelene came home last night with an intense pain
in the left side of her head.
The husband of a friend was beaten with brass knuckles
in some upscale bar where he works.
Angelene feels for more than herself
as do many of my house mates here in the
Enchanted Garden.
There is a Rush to clear and cleanse the basement
post haste. I would like to participate right now.
My energies are being drawn out with a laundry list
that very large. Many I better switch to a plate metaphor.
I feel many things pressing on my plate.
My general pattern is to have about three things on my plate
when one or two done well would be more sane. Lately there
has been about four things on my plate at once, including various
Crisis that felt like they just Had to be Done Yesterday.
Can you relate?
It has felt like that maybe I could handle three almost sanely
applying Mastership, but then, as soon as I handled Crisis #4
which was already over the Top, another Energy Drawn #4 would
be added.
Where do you turn when their feels like there is more to do than
is humanly possible?
Sometimes for me, staying in bed a little longer helps.
This morning was one of those mornings I stayed a little longer
in bed.
First I felt all the body sensations.
They were intense.
These were some of the Dark Night of the Soul feelings.
Each is attached to some emotion.
Some have to do with Not Good Enough.
Some have to do with having to make some difficult decisions
and put and end to what feels like Abuse close to home.
After feeling all these sensations, I started to make the laundry list.
It was too long. That was stressing me.
Then, I got up and Cleared my desk a tiny bit.
Then, I started to Blog. Blogging for me in therapy.
Patience is a word for now.
Certain things I would like to do,
that seem that need to be done,
need to be handled with that candle.
How real are some of these phantoms in my mind?
What do I have to do for myself
in a way of Self-nurturing so I can
handle this Dark Night of the Soul?
We are just coming out of a Moon Eclipse
Saturday August 16.
Trust is needed today.
There is only so much I can do today.
What are the most important things
I can do today to Self-Nurture myself?
What are the most sensible things to clean up
that will give me energy?
Yesterday, I spent the morning
attending the Pacific College of Oriental Medicine (PCOM)
Graduation at Humphrey's By the Bay on Shelter Island.
This was a very good thing to do.
It took me out of my Dark Night for a few hours
and showed me some things that I need to do now
to meet Fall Deadlines.
I cannot totally surrender into all the Cleanup that
is asked now without having an Anchor in place for the Fall,
a rope I will climb to get up and out of here.
I am going to rest a bit more.
Then clean my desk more.
Then I am going to Complete a few things for the Pacific Symposium
Handbook. One just needs a few corrections.
The only is a KEEP the BEET poster for the Handbook.
I will make a draft.
Then, I am going to Pay a Bill or two without getting sucked in
on emotions.
Then I am going to do a bit of gardening....there are Job's Tears
I need to plant.
at 1 PM, I have a showing of The Little Room to a likely
candidate.
Judith reminds me...that the new housemate is in God's Hands.
One Thing at a time.
I would also like to go out later and buy some
candles and make a little card for a close friend
who is suffering more than I right now.
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