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Day 4 & 5 of 92
Apocolypse in my work life, responsibility to take care of myself still stands.
Date: 3/12/2008 8:05:39 AM ( 16 y ) ... viewed 1642 times Yikes - I barely made it through the past 48 hours, truly. First, let me say I did not pick up any solid food to eat that was not raw vegan. I did drink two V8s on Monday and last night I had conventional OJ. The chaos all began when I left for work on Day 3. Through interactions with my boss I had realized that I needed to make a change and gave my notice. I am really beating on myself for not planning it. It has been coming on, without a doubt, for months. Today, I need to just re-assess my situation and move on. 'Don't look back' is what I keep telling myself is what I need to do. Focus on the responsibilities of my day, do them to the best of my ability, don't judge myself. I have moved from an administrative position in the corporate office to a holistic, health-based position in another branch of the company. It makes sense as I write it but between now and that moment I freaked out. I called a very reliable, responsible friend Monday night for help. She was very helpful and advised what she saw and what I might do to take the most responsibility possible for myself and not leave others hanging. I did what she advised to the letter. I spoke to two professionals, at length, yesterday about some of the thinking-problems I perceive I have and how I might change them. I was reflecting to myself this morning about responsibility and how I might review my responsibilities in my life and how I'm doing in meeting them. An inventory if you will. The painful memories of where I perceived I had not taken full responsibility visited me in this reflection. I acknowledged this and moved on.
I've been eating a lot of fruit and raw nuts and drinking a lot of water - as they take the least amount of energy and time. It's not the balanced ideal I had for myself on Sunday, that's for sure.
My body is changing already. A lot of the bloat is leaving, and I've lost approximately 3-5 pounds. All water weight. I have not been to the gym or yoga these past few days.
My work schedule has changed to increase my work hours into the evenings, 10½ hour days, 11½ with the commute added in. This is going to be tight for the next two weeks as I transition between positions. I need to think about what I can do for myself in the time off I do have to ensure the busy days don't get dropped.
What I'm most upset about is that I did not achieve what I set out to do. Static got in the way. I did not solve the problem I knew the job and boss entailed coming in. It felt like a 'no-win' from day 1. I kept telling myself I could do it. I told my boss when she interviewed me that it sounded like a 2 person job. It was and is. I had the strict perimeters to sort it out in 40 hours a week, no more and no less. What was I thinking? As I think now about it, in hindsight of course, I needed to categorized the job's tasks, time each task was taking, and feed it back to my boss. In a chart, my boss likes charts. I kept daily task sheets and the times it took for each task. I'll put a make-shift chart together and present it to her when I leave and advise that I hope the input is helpful as to what the job actually is. As I re-read what I've written here, I know that I was so busy getting the daily tasks done, I did not have the time to compile these charts. Since I've given my notice, 40% of my tasks have been re-assigned and I now have breathing room. Funny how that happens. Also, the personality problems have disappeared. My boss is actually polite to me rather than hammering orders at me. I am now treated like a person and not a robot to punch things out on demand. Funny, that.
Food, where is my food in all of this? I've got a salad today with no dressing, as I forgot my raw vinegar and raw olive oil. I'll go and get some lemons from the company's kitchen. There are apples and oranges there as well. It's not gourmet and or going to do a dance of excitement as I eat it - but it is what it is. It is food that nourishes my human body so that I may exist and function. It is my responsibility to feed myself well. It is my responsibility to show up for all of my responsibilities to the best of my ability.
So, have a good day. I will too!
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