Blog: i am a girl on a mission (2007)
by husnulove

What is passion all about?

Love, life, engage in it, give it all you've got. Love it with a passion cos life truly does give back, many times over, what you put into it.

Date:   10/3/2007 11:12:32 PM   ( 15 y ) ... viewed 2387 times

I stayed up late last night, my mind in persisting mild stress. Stress over the fact that it is already at the end of the day and I have not finished studying the HIV/Aids, Corticosteriods/Transplantations and summary of entire antibody-mediated immunity, which I wanted to earlier in the day. Stress over the fact that my skin has not healed mingled with fear if the skin IS healing or not; the dryness covering my body creeps me out. Stress because how close exams are (less than 4 weeks). Tired from teaching so much, but I cannot grumble because the money I am pulling this month will allow me to make a huge investment at the end of this month. This money would be for bills, medical school fees and self-pampering. I missed my bf and the entire time, I knew if only I could feel him hold me, I would feel totally alright.

Yesterday, my student told me about an ex-classmate of hers named Dan Gosling. He is an Australian. He was never really bookish. In his early teens, he began to take a great interest in theatre lighting and sound. In school, he took up any assignment that involved plays, concerts etc. Then, at 10th grade he was set on pursuing a career in lighting and sound. With the support of his parents, he quit school and with excellent referrals from school, he started interning in small performances in Sydney. He met a businessman and 2 years later, at 18, he set up his own lighting/sound business and now, he is doing gigs for concerts for big singers like Beyonce, Coldplay. Recently, through the reference of his well-connected business partner, he is flying down to LA to do more gigs. To his friends, he is remembered as the fun-loving, ambitious guy.

Something clicked in me when I heard the story. It defied the orthodox life-plan that was so determinedly drumed into my head by my parents: be good, get good grades, go university, find a rich husband and settle down. I never liked the idea at all. As I look back, I realize how much I actually hate the idea--because my life was skewed from the "supposed-to-be"s and when I walked out from the suffocating past and family, I could breathe for the first time in my life. I felt free, inhibited but lost. Where do I go from here? I had no preplanned roadmap anymore.

It took me months to recover from the trepidation, confusion, grief and frustration over how my life was never really mine and even though I found the courage to say "I want no more" of what is not working for me, I am expected and compelled to pick up the pieces now. How on earth am I supposed to do this?

Haha, it sounds like I should start on my project called "My life, just me with me".

Anyway, after hearing the story, I thought about passion. Living with passion. What did that mean to me? Well, it definitely meant jumping into the driver seat, behind the wheel and just driving, but with a destination in mind. Life is not as hollow as I think it is. Let's see, I have a wonderful dream medical course, a fabulous boyfriend and most important of all, I am alive. And why not study, work, love with passion? Why not live? Why not live with passion?

When you know you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. It is just the same for living a life with my dream. Haha, the quote is from "When Harry met Sally".

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