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Freaked Out on Myself
Morning Clearing after afternoon of freaking out.
Date: 10/2/2007 9:14:44 AM ( 17 y ) ... viewed 923 times 6:09 AM
October 1, 07
I isolate here at home when I am freaking out.
Twin Soul/Best Friend, my main ally, does the same
in her life.
Isolating does not work for me.
It is costly.
I have a new housemate.
She is a Fireball of Energy,
an Aries. She has a lot of energy.
Last night I was freaking out.
What do I do when I am freaking out?
I start to do simple things well.
Then I build up and regain my confidence.
Sometimes I will Create something new as Therapy.
While I am Creating, I get in Touch with Your Enchanted Gardener,
my Higher Self, the Part of me that Knows.
Your Enchanted Gardener is in Touch with my Soul.
Your Enchanted Gardener is the Accumulation of Wisdom
I have Re Mem Bered as a Soul.
Everyone has a Higher Self.
Most people, I would imagine, can relate to
having an Enchanted Gardener part of themselves
who they could call My Enchanted Gardener,
or some other Archetype.
Judith, my coach, speaks about getting in touch
with the Mother Archetype, who is the Mother behind all Earth Mothers
and Women.
I had some Vital Success at the Succot Celebration the other day
when I and Lee Schwimmer, and then Burt and his wife Ellen,
read outloud some of the poems from my book,
"The Rebirth of Mother Earth."
This book has been out of print for many years.
I found a pristine copy of it during the cleanup at my Father Solomon's House.
I have been thinking about redoing this book.
I read one of the poems at B'nai Horin Yom Kippur recently.
A number of people came up to me and wanted copies of that poem.
I said I would send it to them.
___
Leslie, follow up, please.
Send that poem to Peggi Sturm,
the Executive Director of B'nai Horin.
Better yet, Make up a web page with that poem,
and send a link t Peggi.
Have a Paypal donation button on that page
for anyone who wants to Download the Art.
Please start thinking of these Electronic Creations,
such as Conscious One made their DVD Video.
___
[ FYI: in the PYD Blog here, when I start talking to myself,
I am receiving Guidance from either a part of Leslie who
Knows, or Your Enchanted Gardener, or Guides and Teachers,
or Angels....Angels are the Emissaries of God.
Angels are Go-betweens.
I personally do not do well with talking to God directly.
When the Chips are really down,
I sometimes, personally will find myself talking to Jesus
directly and asking for help for someone else.
This is a present life thing and likely a past life thing.
I am in my past life very close to Jesus.
I choose in this life to be born Jewish. ]
PROBLEM:
I get Stuck in the Mud with all the Mundane Tasks
here at home.
I start to Freak Out.
The Archetype of the Wounded Inner Child in me
is one of the parts of me that Freaks out.
When this happens, I need to cuddle him.
When he is freaking out, that is when I like to
call Twin Soul/Best Friend.
I called her yesterday.
My relationship with Twin Soul/Best Friend
is not an easy relationship,
although I learn a lot from it.
Twin Souls are the Souls that we are born with.
We are like the same soul in many ways.
In her life, many of the things that she is going through,
I am going through energetically.
It is her Pattern to go into Isolation when she is in Pain.
They she Suffers and hurts her Immune System.
I see now that I do the same.
I have a Trust Issue.
I do not feel Safe at Home.
Yesterday, Angelene asked me how I was doing.
I did not want to burden her, so I lied and said I was doing O.K.
I asked her to fix a small thing.
Then I heard her in the garden doing a chore, while I was freaking out.
I took a nap to give my Wounded Inner Child some Therapy.
They I attempted to give him some Computer Therapy.
NOT.
I am in an intense learning curse with this new Imac.
I am still freaking out about being out of touch with my
old address book and email list organization.
I could not figure out how to do simple things on the Imac.
This was making me Freak out more!!!!
Call Mac Tech and get answer....
Twin Soul/Best Friend gave me some good advice
when I called her.
She said, Practice what you preach.
Go to the garden, when you are freaking out.
It was really a good time to go out and be with Angelene,
but I went to the Computer to do Therapy.
This was a Bad, Bad Move.
The Computer is not my Friend right now.
Maybe the Computer is not as Good of a Friend to any of us.
The Computer has basically got us all by the Balls.
The Computer is part of a Technology that is not of the Earth.
I do hope and pray that it is Possible
to be on the Web and still be on the Web of Life.
That is the Pitch that Stephen Jobs,
I think that is his name,
needs to hear from Leslie & Your Enchanted Gardener.
At Wayne and Ellen's, my dear friends, I ate pretty good.
They were bringing out their new book,
"The 20 Minute Kabbalah."
At the same time, they had all kinds of Junk food
that they were serving.
I went to the FM that morning.
I had gotten some things from Joe the Farmer
to bring to the Jewish Folks, but I was so overwhelmed
with the need to go more Simple
that Joe the Farmer's Love Tomato that I brought into the house
disappeared.
I was focusing on Making Money an Easy Way
and getting Money an Easy Way--through exchanging
energy through taking Photos.
Your Enchanted Gardener also told me
to do a Ritual with Wayne and Ellen.
I was told to plant some of the Barley Seeds
with them.
I did this.
I also took time with...
what is her name?
Oh yes, Ruth Platner....
Fill in here later...
She is the Fomer Director
of the Oceanside School of Art...
Ruth and I planted a Seed Dream
to have the people of Tobago-Trinidad
grow Jobs Tears. She did some writing on this,
and I asked her to Join the EG Club,
but we never got to this part.
Later, I found the Job's Tears seeds on the ground
that I believe I wanted to give her.
This was a break in the Energy of the Seed Dream.
____
Pacific Symposium:
What do I do there?????
I create a Sacred Space where I am Focused
on Planting Seed Dreams.
Why ist he Pacific Symposium
so healing for me?
Leslie & Your Enchanted Gardener become ONE
when an Enchanted Garden Installation is set up.
___
Nicole Nash--The Great Artist--
who was at the Slow Foods Event.
She offered to paint at one of the Enchanted Garden Installations.
Oh, this would be good, or is it a distraction?
What do I need to get from the Pacific Symposium 07?
Blog on this, Leslie, Please.
__
THE PROBLEM Here
My new housemate,
Michelle is an Aries.
Aries are leaders.
I need here energy to be backing up
the Main Priorities here.
She is starting to get into one of her
Barter Projects here with her leadership.
She is doing B-Wise CSA here.
Joe the Farmer is also wanting to do a CSA.
I an invested in helping Joe the Farmer.
___
I had a brief meeting with Joe the Farmer
on Sunday.
We talked about the Pressing need
for the City/County/State/feds to support
local organic farming in San Diego.
I need to write to my friends at the Organic Trade Association
about that, and also Anthony Zolezzi, President of the
the Organic Center.
___
What is the Pacific Symposium 07
and Organic Celebration Local Organic Tie in?
This is the One a Year right now time
that I draw attention to the Issues of Local Farming
in San Diego and do what I can,
through a display of Locally Grown Organic Foods
to Inspire the rest of the TCM Practititioners
of the Nation.
___
[ Follow UP!!
Note: Follow UP in the PYD Blog is often
abbreviated as FU!!! ]
____
TO DO:
Ask Darling Michelle,
to read this Blog...
and Angelene too!
Paris reads my Blog when he can get online.
Paris is coming home tonight.
Twin Soul/Best Friend, sometimes reads my Blog.
Other times she stays away because my Blog
can plug her in.
___
What do I need from Michelle
and Angelene and others at the house here?
When I am not in a Freak out space
as NOW, and my Inner Child is Rested,
I need to have meetings with House Members
where we get on the same page as far as Priorities.
The Land here is a Metaphor.
All of us can work this land 12 hours each a month,
and there is a good chance, we will not get to the Priorities.
This land is 1/3 acre.
IT would take a whole Meeting Up group
of Enchanted Garden Local Members
and Soilmates to do this.
___
Freak Out:
I came home yesterday.
There was a letter from the Lawyer Marc
for $330.00.
This is in Sync with a call I got from Eva
the night before when I was at Cutty and Jana's
asking if I followed up with the materials
Marc sent about being the Power of Attorney
for my Father.
I threw these in a the file cabinet
and never opened it until the bill and call
came yesterday.
I did not want to deal with this energy.
I have not recovered from my last encounter
with Solomon.
He was exhibiting Monster Attributes.
I was Totally Embarassed.
I could not stand up to his Rage.
That is not my style.
He insulted me severely.
He was treating me as a Hired Laborer
with the other Hired Laborers he was paying.
He yelled at me.
"I will pay you!"
He was insistent that I not go into certain
areas to clear and clean, because he suspected
that was where he was hoarding his bags of money.
So we did not do that.
The second day, the Laborers did not come.
Spirit Unfolded for all to go to the Bank with Solomon.
He did not have my sister or me on his bank account
as his beneficiaries. Eva was able to walk circles around
Solomon because she is a woman.
Women are Mother to Solomon.
Men, he gets by coming off as the Loving, Friendly
Community person and Rabbi who deserves respect
for all he does.
___
From Your EG:
[Your EG = Your Enchanted Gardener.
Sometimes, Leslie becomes Your EG.
Sometimes, they are ONE. ]
----
FU!!
Leslie, Print up this Blog
for House...
[????]
____
Freak OUT:
Scott gave 30 day notice yesterday.
Paris committed to move in Doug's room.
Michelle likely would like to move into Doug's room.
Paris fantasy: Move in Dome where Scott will vacate.
Problem, Paris, Dome is not a professional Space
for having expensive Computer Equipment.
Doug and I both lived in Dome and found it
unsatisfactory. Lots of Dust.
Also can be broken into...
It is not weather proof.
IT is more for a Simple way of living.
IT is also a more difficult space for me to rent,
and it would be good for Paris to live there from that point of view.
but I do not see it as a Professional Space.
The Vibe of Doug's Space is computer's.
IT has shelves for Computers.
The Ideal would be to have the Dome rented to someone
who wants a simple space and who does not have to do work in there,
and who is also open for occasional use.
When we are recording, we can record in other places in the house.
The basement might be one area to record.
These are all things to look at.
__
Freak Out:
Too much for me to deal with.
Scott has other things on his mind.
A former friend has cancer.
He wants to help her.
Too much for me to deal with all at once:
1. Pacific Symposium 07
less than month and one week away.
2. Lawyer communication.
Get allies from Rest Home
Garden Palms...Talk to Social Worker there
and the Owner...
Get support for Power of Attorney.
Let Eva be the Power of Attorney for Solomon
if he is going to be Freaking Out on me.
3. Come to some sense of Priorities around here.
Things that need to be done and limitations of time
to do them. Good use of each of our energies.
Helpers from PCOM.
What do we want to sell?
What products to develop in next five weeks.
Who will help with set up and tear down.
Call Mariah. He wants to help.
Speak to Program Director.
____
NEW:
Every Friday Night....
Some Enchanted Garden Teaching here.
Some moment of acknowlegement of
end of week and beginning of new week
with Ritual of Gratitude and Accomplishment.
--
HERE:
Use books for Accomplishments.
Angelene uses them.
__
O.K.
What to do with today?
Letter to Marc.
Call Eva, one more time.
Do that first.
Call her now????
Schedule a meeting with her via phone...
Relieve the Freak Out about this.
___
Communication with Twin Soul/Best Friend.
I appreciated your advice.
I need something more first when you are calling.
I realize you are giving this as best as you can.
I need contact! Not Isolation!
The phone meeting last night was good.
I need contact...as we did, over advise.
Send me to Your Enchanted Gardener.
Actually, the Advice she gave was good.
Go to garden. She asked, Why do I freak out.
I need more sharing of her experience,
rather than her isolating. I learn, and do not feel
so alone when I hear she is going through similar energetics.
She goes through similar energetic things as I do.
IT is easy to see we are in similar patterns because
of our similar energetics.
___
Tired now....
Fun Projects to Complete and Funds:
1. Photos of Wayne and Ellen.
1. FIRST...Richard Grossman photos.
Blog on Nuva and his Plant Medicines.
Was that why I got a headache?
detox. Not sure... likely the food
I ate at Cutty's.
Go rest, young man.
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