Mary,

I love your writings. I have read them serveral times. Yes I have hurt feelings but not for anything you have done. I think you deserv better from the men you have loved. I think God gives us the gift of life and we should enjoy this special gift. I don't think he wants us to be miserable. Yes it may be important to read and study the Bible and to pray to God. We need to support each other in our journey. Sex is an important part of our lives. We are sexua| beings. We should not feel guilty about it.

I think my Dad may have had a full dance card and in his later years spent his time repenting. It would have been far better if he had stayed married. He was married twice. I belive the first time with my Mom was real love. The second marriage did not last long; it was more a marriage of convenience. Again my Dad was out of money and needed a place to stay. He spent some nights with us and some nights with this other woman. Finally she insisted Dad needed to make a commitment. I met her briefly once or twice. She was very pretty like you. I think she was a lovely woman who had the misfortune of falling for my Dad. She had her own place and a thriving business. All she wanted was a normal relationship. I believe they were only together for two years. She threw my Dad out, as he was so self centered and argumentive. She was a few pounds overweight and he showed her no mercy.He constantly put her down and insisted she needed to fast and lose weight. I witnessed some of this. She did not fight back but her face showed her hurt feelings. Maybe when I left she yelled back at my Dad. I hope so.

My Dad was not God; he was not King of his Castle, but he really suffered from this disease. Maybe he watched too many "Honeymooners" re-runs. He pranced around like Jackie Gleason all the time. He was always preaching. Some years it was just about food, then it was food and exercise, then it was about religion.For a short guy he really had a big mouth.

Meanwhile my Mom, a ballet dancer, weighed about 102 pounds. My Dad put her down all the time. Mostly he complained. He wanted her to exercise and take care of her body. My mom was working 8-10 hours a day to support us. She walked wherever she went. She was amazingly fit. She was a beautiful woman. She did stretches and some yoga at home every night. She had the body of a young thin 15 year old. She rarely wore make-up. She had beautiful skin if you don't mind freckles and wonderful strawberry blonde hair (she never dyed her hair). My mom loved what people call today the "power walk". She never took a bus. We never owned a car. She walked to work; she walked to my school; she walked downtown to go shopping. She had a shopping cart. We used it to walk to the laundrymat and the supermarket. In my mind that was a form of exercise. My Dad called her lazy because at night she liked to watch the 8 o'clock movie. He wanted her to exercise with him. Instead she wanted him to cuddle with her as she watched tv. My Dad called the tv the idiot box. Funny thing is every night after my mom went to sleep, my Dad watched the late movie, the late late movie and old re-runs. Somehow that was ok.

Besides being a dancer, my mom also wrote beautiful poetry (mostly love poems), but she stopped doing this maybe because she was too tired after working all day or maybe because she lost the love.

My Dad was forunate to have these women in his life. He had some great choices. He was lucky to have had you in his life. Despite what you say I think you two could have been a couple. There was so much love there. I feel there is still so much love you have for my Dad. I believe if you have found the right person he will be more than just romantic love; it will be spiritual. I think God wants us to be happy. We should have life partners to make our journey easier. Mary I hope you allow the new Walter to be part of your life in every way. You deserve much more than you have received.

Tina