Cheer up, the fact that you are aware of what you're doing and why you feel the way you do, is brilliant! Many people can't figure it out. But it's apparent you can. Don't beat yourself up so badly... You're only human. I don't know any one who does not have their weaknesses.

Take each day as they come... maybe even take each moment as they come... bite size pieces. Perhaps your finace and friends could give you a bit more support. Such as not grilling steaks when you're trying to improve your health through diet. That's like my husband smoking when I am trying to quit. Pisses me off so bad. When I'm pissed I do bad things... but don't we all? He's getting better about that though... and doesn't keep his smokes around and even "sneaks" the smokes because I told him I was going to soak every pack I find. Without support from those closest to us, it makes our journeys so much more difficult. But first we have to put our foot down and insist on the support if it is not forthcoming voluntarily.

Don't give up and since it IS Valentine's Day, give yourself some love. You definitely DESERVE it!!

*hugs*
~ Dazzle