What you are doing for this "troubled" individual is called "enabling". YOur pity for her and her son is not directed in an appropriate helping manner. Remove her "crutch" of free living; plus, install other measures which would help save her son. Yes, she would have trouble with her life one way or the other. However, it would come to a climax and she would be forced to either correct her behaviour to a more reasonable manner, or she would do what you fear most, lose it all.

This fear of her losing it all is what prompts you, her loving parents, to continue her ability to spiral downward by removing the consequences of said behaviour by giving her a free lifestyle...one she has not earned. IF what you said is true about her addictions and strong emotional imbalances being displayed prominently in front of her young son, it is only damaging him more than you may realize. He will become like her, or worse, if not protected from such displays. This means you or an appropriate caregiver should take custody of him until she is able to control herself safely. If you do not take steps to protect him, the state can and will take steps to alleviate the situation in a not so nice manner. Children removed from homes such as hers, where grandparents supported that lifestyle by funding it, are not allowed to return to the parent or grandparents for often many years due to the evidence of lack of responisbility on both parts. Lack of responsibility on the grandparents part because the child was not removed from a known mentally and emotionally imbalanced drug environment.

There are programs to help grandparents through such situations while saving the child and his parent from the worst case scenarios. None of the steps are easy. All are hard, and emotionally draining. However, the end result is a more responsible parent being created, and most importantly a safe and loved child remains with family he knows rather than in a state operated foster program. If, tragically, your daughter does not come to her senses and "clean up" her life, the grandchild will still be safe, able to continue family relations, and build a strong sense of self-worth rather than what is being developed in the situation you have allowed to continue freely around him.

If you do nothing but support her freely, you will lose her and the child. The choice is yours. To help you, contact a well-known and respected Family counselor in your area and ask what options are available to you and your husband (as grandparents) to insure the safety and well-being of the child; as well as finding out what can be done to insure appropriate mental and addiction rehabilitative measures are taken for your daughter. Then, take immediate action to enforce those measures to help both your daughter and grandchild. After a few months, the improvement will be dramatic and the lives of all involved will be greatly improved. The hardest part is the first step. But, the first step must be taken to reach that last step to better lives.

I am telling you this, because I have seen cases where all it took was one person making a call to a state agency in concern of the child's well-being for the family to never see that child again. Ever. Protect him and yourselves by getting her the help she really needs. That help is not a free house and car. And, the problem is not the son-in-law or your youngest daughter. They merely want to protect their own children from seeing the kind of behaviours your oldest daughter is exhibiting. They feel you are allowing her to continue without correcting any of the true problems which spurs her to live the way she does. They do not communicate that well, but from your description of the situation, that is what is happening. Help your grandson and then you will see much more compassion from your youngest daughter and her family.

Please, do this for your grandson before it is too late.