When I was really ill and I first found CureZone, I requested MH's 108 pages and when I found the paragraph on chemtrails, I googled it. I read everything, I was sick. I stepped out the next morning after a whole night of shivering over it, and when I looked up, I saw them making the chemtrails in the distance [wow, thoughts DO create reactions!] The sky became covered, I saw that rainbow ring, it smelled like pesticide. Everyone was ill, and not only was I physically struck, but mentally, I was a trainwreck. I couldn't stop shaking for days. I had no desire to eat. I couldn't wait to leave my mothers.

When I came back to SD, I was alright for awhile. Then, I saw them again, and the fear returned completely. Since, I've found myself paralyzed with the fear. They've taken away my desire to live. I think about them all the time, I'm afraid to even go outside or look into the sky, though my eyes are always searching for them. When I'm watching something on TV, I watch the sky on the screen for them. I think, the fear that I really have about them is, you're right, no control. Like, getting sick is inevitable because I don't have access to fresh air. I remember the intense pain I once had, and I think about the illness I'm fighting with now, and I have a fear that it'll never go away or be improved because of this toxic air reinforcing it. I'm afraid to not have a life because of illness. I can control distilling fresh water and buying organic food, but the air around me is being filled with metals and viruses. My fear is so great, I think that they'd follow me to heaven.

The fear is irrational, but still I cannot shake it.