I understand!

I think communication is like milk; there are basicly two kinds:
real (live, raw and preferably pasture-fed) and dead (pasteuried because otherwise it could be sickening).

The real/live nourishes us. The dead/pasteurized depletes us.
By now you can tell where the "problem" communications stem from. The good news is that there are seldom any real problems with the kind of communications that is like the fresh, whole, real nourishing milk!

What do we mean by "real communication"?
These are the communications that includes our real self. ("Radical Honest" is a book that talks about this.)
These communications include statement about what we really see, what we really feel, what we really want. Complaints may be included but complaints alone are not enough.

Non-violent Coomubication (NVC) contains the real/objective observations, real feelings and wants that are expressed in reasonable terms. (I believe that compassionate communiations are very similar.) I have been a "Johnny Appleseed" for NVC in Northern Caliifornia starting with the Quaker Meeting. However, I actually prefer the phrase "Compassionate Communication" over "Non-Violent Communication". In any case I have taken the essential components of NVC and written them into a relating exercise that I freely share with people.

Here's the very core of the relating exercise I developed:

Tell me something you have observed about or relating to me that is not OK with you.
Tell me somethng that you feel about observing that.
Tell me something you want from me concerning this.

This three part "core" exercise could be "sandwiched" inbetween a couple other requests to balance it out by first asking: "Tell me something you think we agree on." And then finally asking: "Tell me something you like about me."

I get a lot of value out of these kind of communication cycles and love to share them with people.

The first and most essential requirement in all of this is to have a sincere intention to connect with others. If the intention to connect is not present then IMO, forget about doing NVC ith the individual. Do something else that can evoke some connection first and then do relating exercise/s.

For me this kind of communication equals life!


Cheers!

Chef Cowabunga/
Chef Jem
Executive Producer: "Raw Milk: The Whole Truth"

enlighten@safe-mail.net