- Response to emotional issue 6 by labellavita
17 y
3,273 3 Messages Shown
Blog: My May Fast (21 days) June Fast (35 days)
I realize I cannot heal myself alone. I have to get some form of inspirational therapy to help me heal my inner wounds. This will help me to tackle all the emotions that are outpouring during the fast.
I have met with my doctor/therapist since I was hospitalized. He told me I exhibit signs of a borderline narcissistic personality disorder. I believe he may be right as I have received a similar feedback from two personality disorder quizzes, one I took recently and one many years ago. However, due to cost reasons, I am contemplating to drop out from the session (I just had one) but would like to read up on books with people who have similar experiences of abuse and esteem issues. I strongly believe healing is a very personal journey; a therapist's feedback is merely a stepping stone, not a solution.
Honestly, I believe whatever signs I display : previous eating disorders and self-devaluation are all coming from the wounds of one source of stress: my dysfunctional family. So that is the first clue to how to heal myself--move out(June). Next, comes the wounds which batter my self-esteem and handicap me from living as fully as I should(May 2007- ). Third, fasting helps me to give greater clarity of myself and my life (May and June). I am going to execute this triple plan in order to restore myself and rebuild my life so I can be who Isabella is truly meant to be.
I have promised to commit one hour a day to read inspirational stories and relevant materials as a form of personal therapy. I will share my reflections in my fasting blog. I will listen to a meaningful song each day. I will be more aware of my emotions, thoughts and actions and correct the negative into positive. I will say a prayer everyday. I will remind myself what Labellavita stands for and the following.
Hope+Trust+Healing= Freedom
I can.
I matter.
I love me.
I deserve to be happy.
I will take each step till my 1000th if that is what it takes to be free.
Caridee English suffered from psoriasis on 78% of her body but she fixed it and became America's Next top Model. Nothing is impossible.
http://www.alifeofpossibility.com/blog/index.php
http://soloprosuccess.typepad.com/thewilderzone/living_fully/index.html
http://www.emofree.com/pdf-files/EFTmanual.pdf
*****
My bf chatted with me the day I asked to break up. He was upset because he thought there was someone else in my life but told me he loved me very much and would respect my decision. As I wrote in my previous entry, I wanted to break up because I wanted to stop my parents viciousness towards him because of their opposition towards our relationship--even threatening his holding on to his job--but I later felt I was too naive to think my abusive parents' behaviours will suddenly change overnight. What we can do is to learn from their tactics and take preventive measures. Furthermore, I felt he was not able to lend the support I needed during the tremendous strain I am going through--planning to move out, dealing with all the hurt and fasting. The truth is because of the tension arising from my exasperating parents' meddling, talking about my problems is something I try not to burdern him by expressing to him--a reason he probably cannot follow my emotional and physical progress/fluctuations. I believe I am trying to do too much for everyone and not taking care of myself. And when I do not focus on myself, my problems persist and continues to affect me and those related to me.
I could not bear the separation the day after I asked to break up and smsed him that I still love him and I did not want him to go. I also told him : You are my huge source of comfort and happiness but right now I am preparing to move out of a dusfunctional family, hence I am extremely stressed. I am grateul you have stuck with me through difficult times, that is why I firmly cannot give you up. I love you but for these next 2 roughest months of my life, can you be patient with me?" He had not replied. I am sure he is upset and is probably considering breaking up too cos my situation is so complicated, but I will see. Love hurts.
A close friend I spoke to yesterday advised, " Isabella, Husnu is old enough to take care of himself. Stop worrying about him or everyone else. Just take care of yourself." She is right.
To all who is reading. Thank you for dropping by. Healing the body is a difficult journey, but it is far easier than healing the heart. You have no idea how little words of comfort have impacted me incredibly. Thank you for the gift of a fighting spirit.
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labellavita
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- Oh my by naravahanadata
17 y
1,700
I was gone for the weekend, I come back and such a turmoil here.. I do have to admit I was surprised. Isabella, while fasting lot of our emotional issues open up and we get very vulnerable, it's a rather critical period and I completely understand how fragile and low you may feel at times. However I agree with lilly1 - if your main reasons were feeling "not good for your bf", you aren't the one to make this decision on your own.
I am so glad to hear you have decided to make appropriate steps to let yourself being helped in this delicate phase of your life, I believe that we are simply incapable of always seeing the whole picture since we are inside and it takes a look from the outside - from an uninvolved person or at least somebody not so deeply in. I wish you all the luck possible! I still think that a lot of all this is caused by the fast and by cleaning your mind and soul as well as your body - it can be a very painful and confusing process. Please, hold on, you will make it through and emerge stronger and healthier in and out!
Lots of love
Vanda
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naravahanadata
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- Re: Oh my by labellavita
17 y
1,757
Thank you Vanda. I will work hard! What a caterpillar calls an end, a butterfly calls a beginning. That is me :)
Lots of love. I hope you are doing well too.
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labellavita
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