- Kicked by #94544
14 y
2,100 4 Messages Shown
Blog: Extreme Change: Raw Food - 3 month challenge.
I am truly deflated. I feel down for the count. If I went home, I'd sleep effortlessly.
I am spacy, tired, sad, discouraged, and sad - but I listed that one already.
Consequences of getting drunk and demanding a divorce? Get to miss out on the kids' birthdays and good times. Get to end all possibility of healing, hope, and chance for peace within the family. I slammed the door to the family shut and today is E****'s 19th birthday. He's the one I saw on Saturday - the 4th anniversary of my son's death.
Poor kid. My son's funeral was the night before his 15th birthday. If I really, really want to make him happy - I'll stay away.
It truly sucks that the majority of people whose lives I touched are better off with me gone.
Now that's a 'jagged little pill'. I won't do it. I won't kill myself. It takes more than I can muster. Almost 2 full weeks since I've felt this way? 3 maybe?
I'm relieved I'm sober. I'm relieved I'm deflated. I'm relieved I have no more fight left in me. Perhaps now I can be teachable. I can correct all that I've been living for 30 years.
There's hope there, I do believe. Mustard seed? I f***ing hate those stupid little things we hang on to - "mustard seed size hope is all it takes".
I'm gonna go get on my knees now and cry, beg, and surrender. I've got nothing left.
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- Re: Kicked by ren
14 y
1,521
| Your blog is inspiring me to go 100% raw for lent!
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ren
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- Re: Kicked by Marigolden
14 y
1,472
You used the word 'inspired'. Really? Your reply is inspiring me to go raw for the Spring Equinox as I was considering. I need a cosmic change, I'm dyin'.
Thank you, Ren!
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Marigolden
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CureZone