- Sat., Oct. 20: Last Sweet Processed Food Ever: Where is There Help For ... by lauray
17 y
2,485 3 Messages Shown
Blog: Lauray's Fasting Blog
PLEASE HELP ME -- PLEASE WRITE TO ME IF YOU CAN BE OF SUPPORT -- THANKS -- LAURAY
So I tried, half-heartedly and feeling unready and unwilling, to start my 60-hour fast, yesterday.
I made it 26 1/4 hours.
Then: horror. I counted out carefully my calorie excess, and went and ate what I was still "entitled to" for the day in sugar free frozen yogurt.
i told myself this is the last time i ever eat sweet processed food. And that's it. The last time ever of fro yo. The salty I cannot feel committed to giving up. ... And even the sweet I cannot really even now feel committed to giving up.
I need that mastery and affirmation and self-esteem from a perfect abstinence, no matter how much others shriek and scream at me for the "perfectionism."
I cannot handle ANY processed food at all.
But still I don't feel committed to a perfect abstinence from it.
I cannot stand this. i make myself so dysfunctional and such a loser on the processed food.
I have the thought that I should just give up Social Security and maybe that would force me into sobriety.
I am dangerously close to doing this. I am so scared.
I just want success and stardom and to get married to Owen Wilson RIGHT NOW. Poor Owen.
I found a pattern in my food diary.
I go on all raw vegan for about 2 weeks or a month and then relapse 1 meal or 1 day (2 meals) on processed food: either fro yo, dairy, or fried vegan frozen dinner foods (vegan "chicken" cutlets).
But HOW AM I TO GET OUT OF THIS?
I have the thought: I must use OA.
But will I ever find support in OA? Will I ever find support from any human being? I am FRANTIC.
I MUST GIVE UP ALL BUT GREEN LIVING FOODS AND I MUST FAST MYSELF ALKALINE OR I AM GOING TO DIE -- AND F*CKERS EVERYWHERE REFUSE TO SUPPORT ME GODDAMNED FUCKING F*CKERS.
help. I can't write any more. Help.
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lauray
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- Re: Sat., Oct. 20: Last Sweet Processed Food Ever: Where is There Help ... by b2reflect
17 y
1,470
Lauray,
First off, stop beating yourself up. You can achieve what you desire but not by beating yourself up.
If you feel OA will help you, then go there and talk and allow the help. You can not receive help from others, if you do not allow them in.
I am sorry I have not read all your posts to understand why you say "AND F*CKERS EVERYWHERE REFUSE TO SUPPORT ME GODDAMNED FUCKING F*CKERS" except if you do not ask for support, other than in a blog, how can you expect it?
Blogs are not always the best place to find support (although there are times it can be a good place). Groups tend to be a good place, so that others experiences can show you how to do something or not do something. Also, it can make it easier when you go through something to bounce it off a few (or more) people and get their input.
OH and as for perfectionism, it does not exist. IF you feel the need to eat something, do so CONSCIOUSLY. Accept what you are eating. Enjoy it. Do NOT belittle yourself. When you eat consciously, there will come a time (maybe sooner than later) that you will see you no longer desire to eat what you are eating.
When I stopped drinking over 2 years ago and I felt the desire to drink. I asked myself why. I talked to myself. I told myself whatever it was I needed to hear. Fortunately, this time around I did not drink. Except I realized, this time around, had I decided to drink after talking with myself, I would have done so consciously and accepted my choice. I had gone to a womans group during this time (my life had gotten out of control) and although it was not about alcohol, it was life in general. It did help talking with different women who may have experienced what I was, in that moment. I did bring up the alcohol, if it was something I needed to do.
Find yourself someplace you can go to and talk with others, that are in your experiences. Do what you must do to help yourself...whatever that is. Stop beating yourself up and stop blaming others for not supporting you. It is your choice ultimately on how you control your behavior and addictions and life.
Peace and blessings to you,
Beth
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b2reflect
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- Re: Sat., Oct. 20: Last Sweet Processed Food Ever: Where is There Help ... by Unfettered_moth
17 y
1,580
Maybe...don't focus on what you're giving up. Just look at what you're gaining. :) By allowing your body to use its own stores for food, you are cleansing yourself of every icky thing you've ever given it. You're "starting over." And that can be pretty intimidating, and the fast can be difficult, but it's all part of the journey towards a happier and healthier future. It's necessary if you are to seek the highest vision of yourself. If you are unhappy eating processed foods, and it seems like you are, then no need to mourn them. You can learn to detach yourself from your senses and retrain your brain to desire the healthy stuff.
My personal issue is with cheese. I fucking love cheese. But I don't want it in my body. So everytime I have a thought about cheese, especially while on the fast, I redirect my thoughts to apples, or nuts. If I keep doing this, I will eventually forget all about the appeal of cheese because I have trained myself to think and like different things. And I don't tell myself, "I'm never eating cheese again," because that is extreme. I don't know what the future holds. I know I like cheese, so rather then swearing off cheese for life I will just change what I like. I will fixate on things like apples and nuts and fresh greens for breaking a fast rather then cheesy pizza like I did two nights ago. And you know, that pizza might have tasted goooood going in, but my taste buds lied to me. My stomach hated what I gave it and made me suffer for eating what I did, no matter how it tasted. You just gotta go by your gut...
Human beings are highly trainable creatures in mind and body... we can do this. :)
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Unfettered_moth
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