Re: Torture In America

Yes, every bit of it's true... although that video is somewhat deceiving in the sense that it doesn't give a clear representation of my condition. I was spitting-nails mad after receiving that letter... and so consequently my adrenaline was really pumping. This causes me to be able to function better... until I run out of steam and then crash really hard afterwards. That's exactly what happened within an hour of shooting that video... and I was laid up in bed for the remainder of the day and the next two. I have to be very careful regarding how much I exert myself because if I overdue it... it causes more seizures and increased spasticity... plus I've had a couple of episodes of pretty intense chest pain. I was doing better until the additional stunt they pulled... which you can read about in my profile. I am also supposed to have nursing assistance 7 days a week/6 hours a day... and I don't believe there's been a single week yet that that has happened! I have STILL not had any rehabilitation... and particularly since that last incident... will not go anywhere near a hospital or in-patient rehab facility! I could do the rehab on my own if the state of Illinois would cover the expenses and provide consistent nursing assistance and transportation... which would be less expensive than going into a rehab facility as an inpatient. Thus far they've been unwilling to do this... and have attempted to portray me as being the one who's responsible for the mess that I am living in... when they have failed to provide the supportive services and assistance in order to clean it up!

That's why I said the T4 Program is alive and well... because as it stands currently there is virtually no "health care" or services for those who are poor, disabled &/or elderly and who require consistent daily nursing and personal assistance. This program was established to prevent people from ending up in a nursing home... and yet it appears that they are allowing people to get worse instead of helping them to get better. It also doesn't help that I'm in the state that's the very last on the list when it comes to accessibility and providing services for those who are disabled. They also fail to recognize that there are people who are disabled who are not elderly, "mentally ill" or developmentally disabled... let alone do what is necessary in order to enable them to restore as much of their functioning as possible so they can live independent and productive lives... and in my case.. most likely reverse all of the damage that was done. More than anything I just want to get well so that I can get on with my life and get back to work! I've already received invitations to attend conferences and have a large number of people who are waiting for me to complete my research and help them to get well too!

I am fortunate in that I know what I need to do in order to turn this around... and only lack the consistent assistance, transportation, and a bit more money that will enable me to do that! Most people are not able to do that! I'm also looking at alternative living arrangements... and should have been placed on a list for housing over a year and a half ago... but have recently learned that the caseworkers whom I thought were taking care of this have not been. Meanwhile... one of my nursing assistants informed me that there are several members of her family who are on disability while working on the side, receiving housing assistance that allows them to live very nice apartments, town homes and houses... and along with their new cars, flat screen TVs, vacations, etc., etc.... they're paying $200/month rent and living better than many people who have 6-figure jobs. The whole Public Aid, Medicaid and Disability systems need an entire overhaul because as the way it stands now the people who need the help the most are less likely to get it... while those who know somebody or can pay off a doctor or lie regarding their level of functioning and income are the ones who are getting the most assistance!

There's also another update since I made that video. The woman whom raised me may very well not be my mother after all. I have yet to be able to research this... although in reviewing some of the items that I was able to retrieve from my home and going over my grandmother's scrapbook and old photographs... it has raised a great many additional questions for me. Since I was little I had the sense that people knew something about me that I didn't... and that there was some big secret that was being kept from me. It now looks like I may very well have been correct about that too! While such a revelation would probably be rather upsetting to most people... in my case... it would explain so many things to me and also come as a welcome relief! It does, however, raise the question regarding who may have known this... and as I have come to learn more about programs such as MKULTRA... more and more I recognize that in many ways I fit the profile of the people who they were studying &/or experimenting with... with one significant difference. They didn't have to do anything directly to traumatize me. All that was needed was for them to leave me in the hands of my "mother" and she took care of all the trauma! Then she forced me into the "mental health care" system in my early teens... although they were likely studying me prior to this. They often targeted children whose parents were involved with the military... and based on my early Stanford Achievement test scores... I would bet that I was on their radar! This would also explain why my father was so concerned when I told him I wanted to become a psychologist. He may have known more than he told me and was concerned about what I was getting myself into! Given that the American Psychological Association knew about MKULTRA and chose to cover it up... he had damn good reason to worry! They experimented on the detainees as well as on the soldiers... and they've also been experimenting on U.S. citizens... and I've been one of them!

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