Please somebody help

i have always felt different than everyone as a child. I was always quiet, observed & listened, connected with animals as I still do (I feel like I can actually understand them and communicate) around the age of 15 I started having dreams that would have images of wolves & soon after I started experiencing night terrors.

These night terrors were horrifying because there will be a small demon man in the corner of the room & he gets closer if I stop trying to wake my unconscious body. Lately I’ve been feeling tingly all over & I became obsessed with the idea I was infested with parasites. I felt dirty & helpless. I have never felt so alone.

I lost my mind mentally from it, my once calm mind became crazed. Filled with rage, I would lash out at those close to me. I wanted to kill my self. This wasn’t me, I got to my breaking point where I was in the hospital yet again with doctors basically laughing in my face that I need to seek counselling. That’s when I seen my deceased grandmother (who I was never very close with since I was too young when she passed. She had a very very rough life, has native ancestory, & very wise woman I wish I knew better) she brought me in touch with my spirituality, which I haven’t paid much attention to since I was a kid. I have been through many awful things experiences in my life, mainly revolving around bad people taking advantage of me & me letting them & not speaking up. I feel no one understands me & I even feel crazy sometimes. I have seen spirits before my grandmother, The first spirit I encountered was my other grandmother who reassured me things were okay. I also seen my husbands grandmothers mom although I didn’t know how to communicate with her. I have started meditating in an attempt just to clear my mind, I am tired of lashing out at the people closest to me. Always such a calm patient person, this person I am now scares me. Meditating has been an experience like none other. I have started to remember surpressed memories - I have recently started having the same dream I used to have when I was 4 or 5 years old. In this dream I am in a house with my older brother & sister who are playing & are unaware I am screaming for their attention because the man watching us is bad. And my mom and dad are not there & I am screaming this man is bad but no one hears. It has been very scary to learn through meditating that I was a victim of sexual abuse as a child. I believe I blocked it out because I didn’t quite understand what was happening. Anyways In this recent dream I am back to that house except as an adult & this man is holding me down. I can see above me the angels in a circle of light trying to get me to stand up & take control. I seen both my grandmothers but I couldn’t get up. He had me & the dream became sexual. He was having his way with me i front of them & worse, I was enjoying it. The next day I felt possessed. I didn’t smile all day. I ignored everyone & isolated myself in my bedroom. I have two kids 5 and 9 months & I wanted nothing to do with them. I felt after that dream that that man still had me. I have since done more meditation which has gotten more intense. I now get an intense vibration in the palms of my hands & especially my temples. I thought my temples were going to Errupt. My head kept moving this way and that way, my hands kept moving up so that my head and hands would touch together. This was all involuntarily. I kept trying to resist because I got scared and my heart started to race but my mind wouldn’t let me stop. My upper lip started to tingle, my eyes kept opening bigger and bigger, my brain was explanding. I seen a light. I was so scared I ended up just stopping & left to do something else but I started to bawl instead (I never cry, I never deal with my emotions or the heart break I’ve experienced in my life. I keep it all inside. Since the birth of my second son I have been unable to hold in my emotions.) the next morning I woke up feeling 10 pounds lighter. I could breathe into my chest. I had so much energy. My skin was breaking out though, & I was so sweaty the whole next day. My family is not spiritual at all but I have always felt connected somehow though I have always surpressed it. Instead caring more about looks and material items. I am so lost and confused. I am scared. What is happening to me? I am trying to work on getting in touch with my root chakra which is helping a lot. I am very much trapped in my head & I am trying to reconnect body & mind. But I am so scared & feeling so alone & crazy please respond. Please help. Tweet