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Message URL: http://www.curezone.org/blogs/fm.asp?i=972704
pictures are worth a thousand words
(Uncovering The Starchild Within)
old pics bring up memories
Date: 4/25/2006 8:50:55 PM ( 18 y ago)
I wish I could post the pictures of me that I found on my laptop. I was already depressed today so I went and added things to my bridal registry. I actually didn't stuff my face silly. I was wanting to stay at a certain level and not get too deep into depression. BTW, I saw my dream car more than twice today and I'm now convinced that the Mercedes Benz E500 is going to be mine.
Anyway, I got home and decided to get my old Dell laptop and play the Woodstock movie that jawnai presented to me this weekend. It's the original Woodstock film and it's GREAT. Guess what I found on my old laptop? All the pictures of me right after I had that horrible encounter in California in 2003. I started crying because I realised that I've never been happy. I've never been myself. I've never done things to make myself happy. I remembered how low I sunk in terms of self esteem when I was involved with r*y. I was whole heartedly insecure about my body and just to hear SOME ONE ANY ONE who was a man tell me that I was beautiful was like CRACK to me. I'm not depressed now, just tired from my very busy weekend. I went to precana with my my fiance and moved furniture for my mom. We cleaned all weekend. This whole wedding thing is getting to me and I'm hoping the shower party will be a breakthrough for me.
Maybe this anxiety about the wedding, looking good, the honeymoon and everything else needs to be let go. Yeah it does *LOL* What am I saying??
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URL: http://www.curezone.org/blogs/fm.asp?i=972704