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Value & Self Worth
Self Talk and Self Healing around
Valuing what I do.
Date: 10/14/2006 1:59:39 PM ( 18 y ) ... viewed 1505 times 10:43 AM
October 14, 06
This is a photo of Leslie Goldman
who Values his photos enough to take
take to let others know the cost of
him providing this service.
This is a photo of Leslie Goldman
who has skill negotiating when
he volunteers his photos.
This is a photo taken today
on Simcha Torah, the Holiday that
designates the End of the Old
and The Beginning of the New.
____
This is a photo of Leslie Goldman,
Your Enchanted Gardener,
who Values his work by doing less work
and going deeper to develop his relationship
with Job's Tears.
This is a photo of Leslie Goldman,
Your Enchanted Gardener,
who is preparing to have a fabulous
success at the Pacific Symposium Nov 2-5
through creating a wonderful Enchanted Garden Altar.
Significant new relationship with E.G. Club
members are going to be established at the Pacific Symposium.
Leslie honors his Enchanted Garden Members today
by clearing and organizing the Space where there is
now a large plastic container.
He is enjoying today throwing out papers and making
Space for New Life.
Today is a Day for New Life.
Leslie has all his needs met
because he meets his needs.
He does not need others to meet needs
he can meet himself.
_____
Visiting with Denise Foxwell
sweet friend,
Sales Coordinator for
Teeccino Herbal Coffee.
She is in town doing demos
at Whole Foods Market.
She spent the night sleeping
on her inflatable bed in the living room.
We shared a lovely dinner. Angel joined us.
Made a salad from Joe the Farmer's
lettuce, cucumbers, squash, green onions,
heirloom Russian tomatoes.
Short walk around the garden before
dusk. She grabs a hold of the bamboo
and it sends shivers up and down her spine.
She is very energetically connected.
Was feeling unspoken discomfort.
Just finished banking at 5 and then rushed
to the FM for the food. She was already
waiting here when I pull up in the EG Mobile.
Wish I had a more time to prepare for a guest
staying overnight, but she is self sufficient
with everything she needs.
I was tired. So was she. We retired early.
I was feeling an undercurrent of discomfort.
Her visit points out to be that no one is
really cleaning up these days equal to what
the place needs. I wonder when is the last
time the living room rug was vacuumed?
Kitchen towels, towels to dry things off, nope.
None around these days. We need to buy more.
Napkins? Nope...I grab the dishtowel I use
from my room as a napkin for her,
and a reusable hankie for my own.
"What do you think of this place?" I ask her
to relieve my own pressure of discomfort.
"I love this place! I would live here if I lived
down here!"
AH, that makes me feel better.
I wasn't sure what level of clean she is used to.
She is focused on the good stuff that is here.
This, that, the house alone could be a full time job
to manage, if I was not so drawn in so many directions.
Value. Worth.
I wake up early with compelling thoughts on my mind.
I am not sure I want this life I am living.
Too many things unmanageable.
Shame. I feel shame around all the things
where I feel stuck. My life feels like a mess,
and my room looks like a mess.
How did all the MESS pile Up?
Summer finances. Nose stuck at the computer
day after day working that all out. Trauma day after day
dealing with all the issues that were coming up
around getting it right, doing it right, answer to
Powers that be--about the levels of competency
and record keeping working with the money numbers.
Thank God--have I really stopped to thank God
that IT IS OVER????????
CONGRATULATIONS, Leslie!
You did it! You said you would get the
records up to date. You did it!!!!
You did it!!!
Peace Peace....
more Peace of Mind around that!!!
You finished your '05's a few days
before the Rosh Hashanah New Year.
You said that you would.
You did what you said!
You completed! You completed, Leslie!
Maintenance reports,
Last Month Rent Reports,
Income Statements for the House,
Money;'s to spend to hire gardeners,
for housecleaning, for basement cleanup,
You learned to and generated reports you
can see.
Leslie, you took the next step!
You mailed in your numbers to
Lee, your accountant, and by the time
you came home from the Yom Kippur ten
days after Rosh Hashanah, he got
the report from Kellogg & Andelson.
Two days ago, you mailed it off to the IRS
and State.
Done, Leslie! You did something you said
you would and now you have better systems
to stay on top of procedures.
Shiel, Shiel, the man who works with Finance.
He called as if in serendipity to check in.
He will help you take the next step
as soon as you are ready.
The next step....what is that?
Mess...Mess...the floor in here is a disaster zone.
I could easily trip over the large plastic crates
holding the three ring binders of financial stuff.
At the other end of the office is a huge plastic
crate overed with a cloth.
The Next Step???
Leslie, Sweet Leslie...
This is a Very Special Day.
It is the last day of Succot, the Harvest Festival
when you and the Jewish family were praying for Rain.
This morning and last night--came the First Rains!!!!
How more Perfect, Leslie.
Thank you for slowing down enough to collect two
mason-jar fulls of the new rainwater.
Thank you for washing out the Crock pot.
Thank you for walking round the garden with Denise.
Thank you for Opening Up
and Saying Your Feelings about
Self Worth and Value.
"I feel what I give is undervalued.
The photos I did for Slow Foods...
I offered to volunteer them to the group.
Does that mean I have no ownership
of ALL of the photos to sell to others?
What rights do I still hold on these photos?
What am I going to get out of volunteering?
Scott says, when you volunteer it's about
doing something without expectations of getting
something back.
I donno. That does not feel right.
I was doing this to make contacts.
I was doing this to generate opportunities
that would lead to ways to pay bills.
What did all the others Get who offered
stuff up at the SIlent Auction?
What do all the Chef's get who give
all that free food????
NO expectations??? I doubt it.
Back to the drawing board:
It feels like it wpuld be cleaner just to
pay my way into the event, take photos, and have them
pay some fee for photos that they want.
Value--
My Esteem. The Way I esteem myself
feels hurt by how I negotiate my presence
in the world.
The give and take around energy.
The money flow in and out.
I don't feel I place enough Value on what I offer
that takes so much time to do.
I feet this experience across the board--
I feel the same energy in my relationship,
(I do not want to go there in this Blog...
too intimate right now to disclose.here)
I Invite Denise into my Space.
She is gaining a lot from Science of Mind now.
She does not have judgements on my mess.
I tell her all.
IT is very Healing.
She tells me my office and bedroom
show that I do not Value anything in particular.
My Space is filled with many, many things that
I Valued. The end result is that because I have
Valued so many thngs, Nothing is Valued.
Nothing shows here that it is Valued.
If I had a few things in here,
the few things would show they were Valued.
There would be empty Space around them
to show them off.
There are just too many things in here.
She points to a notebook with papers
hanging out....I can see what she is saying.
I am not showing I Value that notebook.
I have too many notebooks--
too many projects that have excited me.
She tells me to work a bit everyday.
(Not my style...Got to get into this...
deeply...)
She helps me in my relationship life--
"Treat her as a Special Gift
that comes and goes--it doesn't matter
what she does. This is about me Valuing me
and working on me now, just as she is doing
things in her life that are Valuing her.
That brings me more Peace.
I do not have to DO anything about her.
I do not have to shift anything with her.
It is about me going into Valuing me.
She will come and go as she pleases.
This Holiday--tonight, it is called Simcha Torah.
Six years ago was the first time Best Friend and I Made
Love. It is our anniversary. I haven't heard from her
this weekend. That's O.k.
She is in good shape.
She is paying attention to what is important--
that's o.k.
Value that she is a Gift that comes and goes when
she wants.
The work I need to do now is on myself.
She is O.k. where she is at.
She is working on herself,
or having fun in new ways that she needs.
She is finding her Wings.
How Great!
1. I have Love to Make today with
Harvesting the Job's Tears for the Pacific Symposium.
2. Making Love with the Mess in my Room.
3. Listening to an Essene Tape on Visions of the New Earth.
All is well, Leslie.
Denise and I took some lovely photos before
she left.
She joined the EG Club officially. Hey!
I feel Valued receiving this check.
Her contribution is near enough to pay my way
into a wonderful Picnic tomorrow of Chefs and Farmers.
Celebrate the Craft, if I want to Enjoy that day there.
Tonight is the Holiday where they read the
last piece of Deuteronomy and the Beginning
of Genesis.
This can be a New Beginning
as I adjust my Belief System.
Shame is a belief that can be of the past.
I am Perfecf as I am.
Moses wrote Deuteronomy, the last chapter
of the Five Books of Moses,
even though he knew he would not be entering
the Promised Land, Rabbi Stan said.
I an surrounded by The Enchanted Garden.
The Enchanted Garden IS the Promised Land.
I am here.
The Enchanted Garden can be entered
as I declare Peace.
So Today I am making Peace with a Piece
of my Mess to have more Peace here and Now.
4. Redo: Refine How you
negotiate your Photo Services.
Work this out, Sweet, man,
so you can feel better about you!
Value more through Doing fewer things.
Let Pac Sym be about Job's Tears
and the Worms and Declaring Peace.
Let it be about fewer things doing.
The worms...having Confidence.
Asking for support. More EG CLub Members.
Let it be about
1. signing up EG members.
2. Asking each to Declare Peace.
3. Bringing Present the World Peace Breakout
Starter Kit Plaques...and the Seven Love Cures.
You will have great healing at the Pac Sym
through doing less, deeper.
Do Less, Leslie
Want Peace Leslie?
Less Les, The more Less.
Do Less, Be more Les.
All is well, Leslie.
All is well.
TODAY: MORE SPACE
where the HUGE PLASTIC CRATE IS.
SHIFT THE ENERGY THROUGH MOVING
THAT STUCK ENERGY.
12:19 Noon
Links:
Teeccino Herbal Coffee:
http://www.teeccino.com
Link to Upload Photos to
my Gallery:
http://curezone.com/ig/igallery.asp?d=/blogs/your_enchanted_gardener/
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