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No more FOOD!!!
All can change in an instant.
Right now I feel stuck
and not sure how to move
the energy except
do one thing that is next
and then lay down.
Date: 6/9/2005 6:44:01 PM ( 19 y ) ... viewed 1051 times
Feeling in one of those stuck places.
I am attempting/doing/attempting
to do some physical things
and I have taken two naps so far
today.
I feel very tired.
It is day 46 of the Omer Journey and 49 is the last day
that the Mystical Jews and others come together for
the High Holiday called Shavuot.
My friend Zvi, the Orthodox young man of 26
who has been helping me came over yesterday
and apologized for not being in touch.
Stuck! Stuck Stuck!
How many times can I say the same word???
How did I get to this place.
Work,. Work, Work, but the completes
are very slow coming and there is great
islation.
Part of me wants to leave
escape
take off to LA tomorrow
to get away
and part of me would like to spend
some time closely
with a loved one I care about
but that is iffy and I accept that
but deeper there is me
inside inflammed again
and using up rainforests
because of explosive bowels.
I have tried to meet unmet needs
through eating whatever would take
the place of unmet needs
but that is not working at all for at least
five days. My digestion is in collapse.
I cannot digest this experience of life
the way it is and the solution is not food.
The solution is never food, is it?
I can't eat anymore things
to take the place of...
and yet how to I redesign this life
that is in man pieces and feels very unfulfilling
right now.
The highs are so good
when I am expressing all of me
and on all four burners.
Now the fruits only overheat my body
and someting is way off to the point of
water.
I do not feel safe to travel in someone else's car.
I cannot count on my body to cooperate.
This is the week of Kingdom
and my strong suites I have been overusing
to keep me going
but deep down I am burnt out and
more creatiion is going to pull more energy.
I can feel bad about that--
I would like to do some creative things still
about the Rabbi and what he said last Sunday.
I have done, done, done the work about
last Saturday at Tierra Miguel
and some heavy outlay of energy
for the Feng Shui Conference in August
but my own batteries are empty.
A Little sunshine coming in the window now.
The Ceramoya tree out outside my bedroom window
has dropped all its leaves and
is putting out a new crop of them.
Not sure what kind of miracle will happen
inside me. It does frequently
and all can change in an instant.
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