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Apology...
Reflections on the events
of the last month that have
given me back my wholeness.
I feel more grown up now.
I am taking on adult
responsibilities.
I apologize to the culture
of my birth for the Love I
have withheld.
Date: 5/14/2005 9:59:09 AM ( 19 y ) ... viewed 814 times This is my official Apology to the Jewish People.
When I was in childhood and in my teen years,
I was deeply hurt by the death of my Mother
and the outrageous neglect by my father
that occurred in a Jewish context.
My father was the man who cared for the Synagouge
next door to my bedroom.
I grew up hearing competing sounds
of my father's voice at the Bima--the holy podium--
competing with Mighty Mouse on TV and Rin Tin Tin--
a big hearted dog.
Some say dog is god spelled backyards.
I felt closer to Rin Tin Tin than to God the Way
my Father and his fellow parishioners workshiped.
I did not like being the darlling of the old men
who would call me names, indicating I was cute
and then pinch my cheek.
The best that ever came of all that
was that one gave me a glowing gold colored
fake watch, but ever that was stolen years later.
The other thing that I felt stolen by the Jewish religion
was my Father himself, who appeared to favor
his time away from home at the cemetary and later
in life the mortuary more than his own son.
Maybe that is why I took on being more dead than alive
with various diseases during this life.
The only day I ever remember my dad took off
was when I was sick. After seeing the doctor,
we ended by at the Rexall on first street.
They had a wonderful soda fountain and he brought
me a yummy malted milk, which probably helped
with the runny nose that kept me home from the
Jewish day School that day.
Quite the health pattern, I see in my maturing years.
This has been quite a past 30 days or more.
First I went to my 40th High School ReUnion.
[Read these Blogs if you have healing work
to do with your own parents...my experience
may give you some juice...
This is where you will find the story of my 30th High School ReUnion
that begins this series about
a Radical Healing surrounding my 40th ReUnion:
http://curezone.com/blogs/m.asp?f=92&i=120 ]
I felt so much new energy inside me from that,
I decided unexpectedly to rekindle my relationship
with Mark Victor Hansen who was having a MEGA
Book Marketing University in LA.
[MEGA SUCCESSES HERE:
http://curezone.com/blogs/m.asp?f=92&i=187 ]
[Here is a Blog on this:
Then, I came home
for a few days, turned around, and went back to LA
for the Trek out of the narrow places that the Jewish
people are invited to take each year--the Trek called
the Passover. That entailed a number of heart driven
Seders--Sacred Ritualized meals, a rekindling of
relating with my former Lover. The week ended with
a powerful drive up a mountain road to a place called
Wrights Ranch, where some deep listening Jewish Folk
re-created a Passover Village that profoundly touched me.
Radical Healing #2:
Reflections on my Passover Week
http://curezone.com/blogs/m.asp?f=92&i=220
I am touched deeply whenever I get the chance to
interact in a whole way with others. I am touched deeply
whenever I sense I am giving something to others
and being heard.
Thanks for listening. It matters.
So here we are.
I wrote these lines in my book
called Rekindling of Faith back in 1986:
"I go now to pick up the petals
of whatever meaning I left ...
If it's guilt I find there
I want to root it out.
I must return if that is what it takes
to go beyond being the 12-year-old
who learned to love bed rest
too much because in dreams
he could be with his mother.
Counselors, physicians, named and unnamed,
sages of cultures long gone by,
eternal friends, family, seen, unseen
who know me as I truly am
in both strength and weakness, come to me.
Enter my dreams and walking world.
Witness and walk beside me
as one of your own seeks to grow up."
I feel grown up now.
I apologize to the Jewish people
for withholding my Love all these years.
I am back.
May the world never be the same
for any of us...and I mean All of Us.
Your Enchanted Gardener,
Leslie
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