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Venting is Healthy, the Child I lost
I am driving down Century Blvd in the midst of the most incredible life-changing weekend. My thoughts passing
this one section are of sadness and grief and loss
over imcompleted feelings that happened 35 years ago.
Buried feelings never die. They just cut our aliveness.
They create addictions.
Date: 4/18/2005 11:25:23 AM ( 19 y ) ... viewed 1062 times Hi, Ren,
It is Monday morning and I am having a hard time getting going.
I was up a lot during the night with tons of inspirations.
I am tired now and Rebecca imagines it is possible to get up to Jensen's
with an out-of-town friend and ally to keep an appointment to see that land
for sale.
I am sitting here in Seal Beach, halfway home to San Diego.
I am feeling a need to regroup after
the most stunning of life-changing weekends.
Venting is good.
It is so much more healthy to express your beautiful Starchild self in all ways
necessary.
Do not hold back. It creates more buried feelings that just turn into the very addictions we would like to grow through.
I do not like to give advice when my friends are venting.
Dr. Jensen says two things to not give unless asked: Salt and Advice.
I do want to support you in venting.
My experience is that when I leave imcomplete communications and
feelings, they go into my body memory, leaving less and less space for the flow of life. I am going to have to deal with the stuck emotion now or later.
I can give you an example.
Yesterday, I was driving down Century Blvd near LAX airport. I was having
this incredible experience that I will write about as soon as I get up to speed
here and focused, but even though I was having this experience,
for two days, when I passed this same area of Century Blvd, my body kept remembering the drive here with Christina more than 35 years ago. I had
picked her up from the airport from Mexico. She went to have an abortion.
That issue is up for me now, and my body is unstuffing those imcomplete
emotions. I never got them out of my system. I never fully felt the sadness,
grief, or sense of loss. I miss Christina to this day and feel a loss that
we are out of touch, and now I am missing that child.
Maybe it is coming up because I am 57.
Every time I see a little child or a parent with a child, I have this sadness
and yearning. I am in touch with how different my life would have been
if that child had been born.
I have been thinking, I want the experience of being pregnant with a woman
who I love. I want the experience of feeling her belly growing. I want the experience of the warmth lying in bed next to her. I wantto have a baby,
although I am scared of all the responsibility involved.
In any case. please keep expressing your beautiful self.
This keeps us connected and empowered to live our life.
Don't bury those feelings.
Breakdown lead to breakthroughs when you keep writing,
and you are a beautiful soul and a beautiful woman
and a beautiful writer.
Your Enchanted Gardener
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