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Experiment in cooperative living
Healing family relationships at home.
Date: 4/28/2014 8:50:26 AM ( 10 y ) ... viewed 717 times
Experiment in cooperative living
I've been doing an experiment in cooperative living for many years. I live in a household with seven others on 1/3 acre.
Healing family relationships
We bring our unfinished business from child hood into our present living environment.
Most people are challenged by living with one other person.
I have been attempting to live with more than one person all these years.
This is a legacy, healing family relationships, that I want to leave for my father, Rabbi Solomon Goldman. My relationship with my father was one of the most difficult relationships of my life.
My father passed from living in this physical world on February 7, 2014.
Some people grieve the death of a parent in ways that seem charted. I did my best to heal my relationship with my father while he was alive. He was a difficult man for me to be with. I did my best to honor him even though we were never fully on the same wavelength to talk about deeper concerns.
I see many patterns inside myself similar to behaviors my father had.
In recent days I've been looking at how I express anger or do not express anger.
My father also had a very fearful side in him. He was afraid frequently. So am i.
I choose for the most part
Housemate move into our shared home.
My core issues are very much part of the housemate selection process.
A lot of unwise decisions persist in my home living environment.
Now is the time when Core issues are coming up and I am deeply looking at the corrections I need to make.
I have to make these corrections
One of the women I live with often creates very uncomfortable feelings inside of me. She blames me. she has a very uncomfortable tone in her voice. When she speaks to me quite often.
I am sure my response to her is in part based on unfinished childhood business.
Clutter in MySpace
I'm victimized by my possessions.
My father was a hoarder.
We share similar relationships to our possessions.
There are days when I feel I can no longer be so responsible for somebody other peoples lives.
I have thoughts of wanting to move out here, this home where I have ived since the early 1980s.
One of the big factors for me and keeping me here are all my possessions.
This is a serious problem, my possessions.
I came home from a powerful retreat a few weeks ago cause of Passover Village.
I left home feeling that I had to leave here. It was also extremely frightening for me to imagine traveling up Angeles crest Highway to the Passover Village campsite.
One of the victories I gained at the Passover Village was support for my home situation.
I must clean up these relationships. I'm speaking about the relationships at home.
There are days when I feel victimized by living here.
I came home with a sense of hope that one of the solutions was reestablishing regular house meanings where people can openly talk about feelings as well as conditions we need to improve.
I wrote a story about my Passover Village experience.
My first attempt to call you gathering to reestablish house meetings this not successful.
If further created a difficult relationship inside me with one of my best allies here.
I attribute my reaction to my unfinished childhood experiences.
I do not like my reaction. I spent many hours the next day wanting to kill myself.
I want to get to the bottom of why when things go so bad that my mind goes toward looking at ending my life.
Some people would stand up and fight.
Some people would get angry.
Some people would look toward solutions of how to improve the relationship and to continue to strive to get what they want.
This morning the day after feeling so distraught, discouraged, and victimized by the meeting, I'm looking again at at seeing that particular relationship that made me so distraught as one more opportunity to heal my core unfinished business from childhood. I'm calling for support from members of the Passover Village Community.
Shoshana Wheeler, an outstanding nonviolent communication teacher, and expert in the council process, step forward to help me in my relationship with housemates.
I put up our first video here. The video is getting some good response.
I'm going to clarify too housemates where I stand very soon.
Going to write each I know my email
There is an added dimension to living with others here
I have a financial obligation to raise rents each month and pay bills
Wanting to run away from home
One of the things I recognized yesterday was that even as a child I was not comfortable in my own home.
I spent many times the feelings of wanting to leave home I never was fully comfortable in my own house or in my own skin.
And here I am decades later still wanting to leave home. Even being ao owner of the house, I'm still thinking of running away rather than evolving the relationships that are so frightening or uncomfortable.
I knew for a long time that the homefront needed to be addressed.
I knew that this would be very difficult.
If this is to be my retirement home I need to address the issues that are so uncomfortable for me. It's clear that I want to run from these uncomfortable relationships.
I want to spank you for joining me on this journey to heal family relationships.
Many people are looking today having a different relationship to the earth into each other. I sent that in the steps I take care at home I could contribute to help her into one another.
I'm going to a doctors appointment this morning want to start getting ready. It is Monday, April 28, 2014
7:30am
How is it that writing about what goes on gives me a feeling of exhilaration and that then going back to sleep is followed by more feelings of discomfort coming up from my body?
How is it that the Process of seeking a new housemate brings such feelings of loss and abandonment?
Onward.
Leslie Goldman
Your Enchanted Gardener
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