Confusion is My Method

The eighth question:

When I say 'to die' I really mean: live intensely; I really mean: live passionately. How can you die unless you have lived totally? In total life there is death, and that death is beautiful. In a passionate, intense life, death comes spontaneously -- as a silence, as a profound bliss. When I say 'to die', I am not saying anything against life; in fact, if you are afraid of death you will be afraid of life also. That's what has happened to the questioner.

A man who is afraid of death will be afraid of life also, because life brings death. If you are afraid of the enemy and you close your door, the friend will also be prohibited. And you are so afraid of the enemy that you close the door; the enemy may enter so you close the door for the friend also. And you become so afraid that you cannot open for the friend, because who knows? The friend may turn out to be the enemy. Or, when the door is open, the enemy may enter.

People have become afraid of life because they are afraid of death. They don't live because at the highest points, peaks, death always penetrates into life. Have you watched this happening? The majority of women have lived a frigid life -- they are afraid of 0rgasm, they are afraid of that wild explosion of energy. For centuries women have been frigid; they have not known what 0rgasm is.

And the majority of men suffer because of that fear too -- ninety-five per cent of men suffer from premature ejaculation. They are so afraid of 0rgasm, there is so much fear, that somehow they want to finish it, somehow they want to get out of it.

Again and again they go into love-making and there is fear. The woman remains frigid and the man becomes so afraid that he cannot stay in that state any longer. The very fear makes him ej@culate sooner than is natural, and the woman remains rigid, closed, holding herself. Now 0rgasm has disappeared from the world because of the fear. In the deepest 0rgasm death penetrates; you feel as if you are dying. If a woman goes into 0rgasm she starts moaning, she starts crying, screaming. She may even start saying, 'I am dying. Don't kill me!'

That actually happens. If a woman goes into 0rgasm she will start mumbling, she will start saying that 'I am dying! Don't kill me! Stop!' A moment comes in deep 0rgasm where ego cannot exist, death penetrates. But that is the beauty of 0rgasm.

People have become afraid of love because in love also, death penetrates. If two lovers are sitting side by side in deep love and intimacy, not even talking.... Talking is an escape, an escape from love. When two lovers are talking that simply shows they are avoiding the intimacy. Words in-between give distance -- with no words distance disappears, death appears. In silence there is death just lurking around -- a beautiful phenomenon. But people are so afraid that they go on talking whether it is needed or not. They go on talking about anything, everything -- but they cannot keep silent.

If two lovers sit silently, death suddenly surrounds them. And when two lovers are silent you will see a certain happiness and also a certain sadness -- happiness because life is at its peak, and sadness because at its peak death also comes in. Whenever you are silent you will feel a sort of sadness. Even looking at a rose flower, if you are sitting silently and not saying anything about the rose flower, just looking at it, in that silence you will suddenly feel it is there -- death. You will see the flower withering, within moments it will be gone, lost forever. Such a beauty and so fragile! Such a beauty and so vulnerable! Such a beauty, such a miracle and soon it will be lost forever and it will not return again. Suddenly you will become sad.

Whenever you meditate you will find death moving around. In love, in ogasm, in any aesthetic experience; in music, in song, in poetry, in dance -- wherever you suddenly lose your ego, death is there.

So let me tell you one thing. You are afraid of life because you are afraid of death. And I would like to teach you how to die so that you lose all fear of death. The moment you lose the fear of death you become capable of living.

I am not talking against life. How can I talk against life? I am madly in love with life! I am so madly in love with life, that because of it, I have fallen in love with death also. It is part of life. When you love life totally how can you avoid death? You have to love death also.

When you love a flower deeply, you love its withering away also: When you love a woman deeply, you love her getting old also, you one day love her death also. That is part, part of the woman. The old age has not happened from the outside, it has come from the inside. The beautiful face has become wrinkled now -- you love those wrinkles also. They are part of your woman. You love a man and his hair has grown white -- you love those hairs also. They have not happened from the outside; they are not accidents. Life is unfolding. Now the black hair has disappeared and the grey hair has come. You don't reject them, you love them, they are a part. Then your man becomes old, becomes weak -- you love that too. Then one day the man is gone -- you love that too.

Love loves all. Love knows nothing else than love. Hence I say love death. If you can love death it will be very simple to love life. If you can love even death, there is no problem.

The problem arises because the questioner must have been repressing something, must be afraid of life. And then repression can bring dangerous outcomes. If you go on repressing, repressing, one day you will lose all aesthetic sense. You lose all sense of beauty, sense of grace, sense of divinity. Then the very repression becomes such a feverish state that you can do anything which is ugly.

Let me tell you a beautiful anecdote. Chinmaya has sent this. He sends beautiful jokes!

This marine is sent to a distant island outpost where there are no women, but there is a large monkey population. He is shocked to see that without exception his fellow marines all make love with the monkeys. And he swears to them that he will never get that horny. They tell him not to be closed-minded. But as the months passed by, the marine can hold out no longer. He grabs the first monkey he can and gets caught in the act by his buddies, who start laughing their heads off.

Surprised, he says to them, 'What are you guys laughing at? You keep telling me to do it!'

They answered, 'Yeah, but did you have to pick the ugliest one?'

If you repress, the possibility is that you may choose the ugliest life. Then the very fever is so much that you are not in your consciousness. Then you are almost in neurosis. Before the repression becomes too much, relax, move into life. It is your life! Don't feel guilty. It is your life to live and love and to know and be. And whatsoever instincts God has given to you, they are just indications of where you have to move, where you have to seek, where you have to find your fulfillment.

I know that this life is not all -- a greater life is hidden behind it. But it is hidden BEHIND it. You cannot find that greater life against this life; you have to find that greater life only by indulging deeply in this life. There are waves on the oceans. The ocean is hidden just behind the waves. If, seeing the turmoil and the chaos, you escape from the waves, you will be escaping from the ocean and its depth also. Jump in, those waves are part of it. Dive deep and waves will disappear, and then there will be the depth, the absolute silence of the ocean.

So this is my suggestion for the questioner. You have waited long, now no more. Enough is enough. Let me tell you an anecdote, an old Italian joke.

The Pope's personal waiter was delivering His Holiness' breakfast, when he slipped and threw the food all over the floor. 'Godammit!' he screamed as he fell.

His Holiness came out of the door of his room and said, 'No cursing in here, my son. Say instead, Ave Maria.'

The following morning as he attempted to deliver His Holiness' breakfast, the waiter slipped again, throwing the food on the floor. 'Godammit!' screamed the poor man. 'No, my son,' said the Pope. 'Ave Maria.'

On the third day the waiter was trembling with fear, but this time he remembered. 'Ave Maria!' he yelled out as soon as he started falling with the breakfast on the floor.

'No!' exclaimed the Pope. 'Godammit! This is my third day of skipping breakfast! Enough is enough!'

It is your life. There is no need going on skipping breakfast every day. And Ave Maria twice is good, but when it comes finally, it is Godammit!

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The last question:

Everybody is a piece of rock. Unless you attain to your uttermost glory, you are bound to be a piece of rock. But nothing is wrong in being a piece of rock. The piece of rock is nothing but God fast asleep, snoring.A piece of rock is God asleep. Nothing is wrong in the piece of rock, it has to be awakened. Hence, I have given you sannyas [a.k.a. 'Seeker of Truth / Ultimate Freedom'].

You say:

Sannyas is nothing but an effort to awaken you, an effort to shake you, an effort to shock you into awareness. Sannyas is nothing but an alarm.

That's how the rock avoids its own growth, the rock avoids its own future -- by dreaming. Dreaming is the barrier. By dreaming we are avoiding the reality, by dreaming we avoid the real. It is our escape. You don't have any other escape. This is the only escape route -- dreaming.

When you are listening to me, you can dream also. Sitting here you can have a thousand and one thoughts roaming around in your mind. You can think of the future or of the past. You can be for and against what I am saying, you can argue, you can debate with me inside yourself. But then you are missing me. I am a fact here. You need not dream here, you can just be here with me. And tremendous will be the result of it.

But we go on dreaming. People are dreamers, and that is their way. When they are making love to a woman, they are dreaming; when they are eating, they are dreaming. When they are walking on the road -- they have gone for a walk in the morning, the sun is rising, the day is beautiful, the.people are getting up, life is coming back again -- they are dreaming. They are not looking at anything.

We go on dreaming. Dreaming functions as a blindfold, and we go on missing the reality.

Because those are your possibilities. The rock can fly; the rock can grow wings. I myself was a rock one day. Then I started growing wings, so l know. I know your possibility, you may not know it. Hence I talk about the rivers, the ocean and the sky. The rock can become a flower, the rock can become a river, the rock can become the ocean, the rock can become the sky -- infinite are your possibilities! Your possibilities are as many as God's possibilities. You are multi-dimensional.

That's why I go on talking about the rivers and the ocean and the sky. Some day or other a great thirst will possess you, a new passion will arise for the impssible and you will be able to fly into the sky. It is yours, claim it! You only look like a rock. Rocks also only look like rocks. If they make a little effort, if they shake themselves a little, they will find wings are hidden there. They will find infinite possibilities opening, doors upon doors.

But dreaming functions as the barrier. Being a rock is not a problem: being too much in dreams is the problem. Start dropping dreams. They are futile, meaningless, a wastage and nothing more. But people go on dreaming, go on dreaming.... By and by people start thinking that dreaming is their only life. Life is not a dream and dreaming is not life. Dreaming is avoiding life.

Let me tell you an anecdote...

On his seventy-fifth birthday, Turtletaub rushed into a physician1s office. 'Doctor,' he exclaimed, 'I have got a date tonight with a twenty-two-year-old girl. You gotta give me something to pep me up.'

The M.D. smiled sympathetically and supplied the old man with a prescription. Later that night, out of curiosity, the medical man phoned his elderly patient, 'Did the medicine help?'

'It's wonderful,' replied Turtletaub. 'Seven times already.'

'That's great,' agreed the doctor.

'And what about the girl?'

'The girl?' said Turtletaub. 'She didn't get here yet!'

Don't go on dreaming, otherwise you will miss the girl. You will miss life. Stop dreaming, look at that which is. And it is already in front of you. It is already around, it is within and without. God is the only presence if you are not dreaming. If you are dreaming, then your dreams occupy your inner space. They become the hindrances for God to enter into you. This dreaming we call maya. Maya-means a magic show, a dream show. When you are not dreaming, when you are in a state of no-dream, the reality is revealed.

The reality is already there, you are not to achieve it. You have only to do one thing: you have to put aside your dreams. And you will no longer be a rock, you can fly with me to the very end of the sky.

Receive my invitation, receive my challenge. That's what sannyas is all about.

 

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