Questions continue to come to me:  about my relationship to the world, to my work, to Spirit.  In turn, I translate these questions into how I may be relating to the world as the world relates to itself.  How am I moving with the wind? How am I trying to stay in one position, avoiding movement, as though I were a rock or a stone?

Well, at least the rocks and stones breathe, huh? Perhaps that’s a clue: Perhaps I’m not breathing in an expanded form or, perhaps, not flowing; not allowing life to move in and through me.

By staying in doubt and fear and worry, I am keeping life from moving through me. Even the stones allow life to move through them. They breathe, engage the air and the wind and the rain, and exist—for a long time.

I have been in the middle of major fits of procrastination with some writing projects. It’s as though there’s a part of me that has finally finished constructing a 20-foot tall wall of brick and is now hiding out behind it—and he’s not budging. I haven’t been able to get him to move out, even when I have climbed over that wall myself and tried to pull him out.

Driving to pick up a friend yesterday, I thought about this situation. I sensed how the spirits could be looking at this situation and saying: man, we’re not bailing you out of that one! And, maybe:

We’ve come to your rescue with so many of these writing deadlines, but for this one, you’ve put yourself in the hot seat, big time! You have hemmed and hawed and now you’re sitting there with a massive project way overdue. Why?

So here you are, and do you think we’re going to get you out of this fix? What kind of effort have you made to fix this situation? You’ve continued to avoid it and procrastinate. Do you think we’re going to fix it? What kind of offering will you make? How will you appease the creative spirits and muses around you? In what way will you appease us for bailing you out of this situation?

I know that I would owe the spirits big time on this one. I guess the offering would be this: let me listen to what you guys are telling me, and act on it. Let me allow myself to be your servant, bringing to the world the things you have prepared me to do. In this way, let me open myself to your energy in order to create this project, and then leave myself open to you.

So, please help me get out of the way. Please help me remove this bull-headed ego and open myself to your gifts and energy. Move me, shake me, and get me out of the way—please!!
And so it is.

However, I’m interested in what Barbara Marciniak might have to say about all this lack of movement in Bringers of the Dawn:

This free will allows you to decide the specifics of how you would like your life to be designed, although you must live out your blueprint. Whether you choose to do this with difficulty or with ease, in poverty or in richness, is up to you. It all depends on where you have been convinced to put your boundaries.

When reading this I sense how humanity is struggling to remember how to work this energy: this thick, glob of energy that is our bodies and the planet, and how we have forgotten how to manipulate this energy for the Highest Good. I sense how moving out of fear and doubt and worry is the key to remembering and being accessible to these higher energies.

What can we say to convince you to take all of your boundaries down—to stop limiting what you believe can be yours? If there is anything we wish to achieve, is to have each of you boundless and free, knowing that every thought you entertain somehow determines your experience. If we could get you to live 100 percent of the time according to what you want, we would feel that this has been a most successful year. (p. 144)

Wow. There is strong medicine here, no? I was at a sweat lodge earlier this week and really felt how I have not been honoring the spirits and the ancestors by listening to them: I have been thinking and acting out of a space of limitation—which is opposite of what I am being taught in these days! I am not honoring these guys. They are giving me the tools and I am not using them.

It’s as though the ancestors and spirits are really calling us forward for us to pay them proper homage. In my case, they’ve given me talents that I’m not fully using. Each of us has to answer to the ancestors in our own way. The key is to listen to what the ancestors are asking of us. It may be opening ourselves to our life’s purpose, or to offering ourselves more to our fellow man. It could be simply doing more with the environment.

At one point during this sweat lodge, I asked the ancestors to please, show me the tools I am not using in these days. Well, right thinking is a tool, as is consciously creating positive and uplifting situations for my life. I am not doing these things. I am living willy-nilly, at the whim of the wind—and that is not getting me anywhere, is it?

So I ask for renewed vigor, renewed focus, renewed conscious interaction with my daily life. May I arise from my slumber and begin to affect the world as I was meant to: to do so with right thinking, honest living, unlimited thinking, and creative impossibility. Allow me use (force?) of the sight, power, and wisdom that is already mine in harnessing these energies.