The Black Dog of Inlé by JeSuisButterfly Blog entry

Blog: Je Rêve de Toi
by JeSuisButterfly

The Black Dog of Inlé

I've got a cupboard with cans of food,
filtered water and pictures of you,
and I'm not coming out until this is all over...

Date: 9/20/2005 4:43:19 PM ( 19 y ) ... viewed 3075 times

I feel so awful! Last night, there was a loud [and bright] thunderstorm here in San Diego. It was so loud that my room reverberated with every roll of thunder.
At about 12:15 a.m., I had this sudden urge to open a can of soda. Soda, at this time of morning? I don't even want it.. I thought to myself, but nevertheless I followed my intuition and popped open a can, taking a tiny sip.
I heard the click of paws and claws and turned to my open sliding-glass door. To my surprise, I saw a medium-sized black wolf-looking dog on the patio. He began to enter my room, and, freaking out, I threw my can of Coke straight at him and slammed the door shut when he backed up.
Though I was shaking, a wave of shame washed over me. How dare I refuse the entrance of a creature that was seeking comfort? Chastising and reprimanding myself silently, I opened the door and stepped outside to find the poor frightened animal.
Oddly enough, the dog was nowhere to be found. How could he have gotten in? The fence is much too high to jump. Even if he had come in through the standard entrance, there was really no way he could have gotten out... I failed to see him on the patio, so I opened the gate to check the street. I walked up and down that street, and even checked the cul-de-sac - it was as if the small shadowed wolf had vanished! I heard a slight growl, but it was if that growl came out of thin air.

I told my mother about it this morning, and she too found it to be odd, for yesterday she also had a black wolf-looking creature lying on her lawn.. but she lives in Washington!

What makes me sad is that NO ONE believes me. It really happened! I saw its long, fluffy tail.. the thick ruff of fur around its neck.. its long muzzle.. I SAW this dog, this wolf.. I heard its nails from its paws on the stone surface..

Oh Spirit Dog.. forgive me...

Speaking of imagination, I'm exceptionally furious with myself for having such convincing fears.
In a way, I wish I would have remained ignorant about so many things. About GMO foods, about the cruel intentions of the pharmaceutical companies.. the chemtrails that don't exist, just how toxic our world really is. I have no doubt that I was supposed to learn all of this. Maybe I was supposed to fall ill, so I can seek to educate myself [or, rather, uneducate?] get back to Nature.
But what truly bothers me is that these fears are holding me back. They are literally crippling, paralyzing me. I dream about them, I think about them non-stop when I am awake, I'm even too afraid to leave my house. I used to have a desire to travel, I felt comfortable no matter where I was, completely at ease and confident with myself. That comfort and those dreams have been completely destroyed and reduced to ashes. Thoughts become reality, and my thoughts are filled with intense fear of toxins and illness. As a result, I am remaining ill, and very, very afraid.
I have dabbled in EFT and self-hypnosis, even oral affirmations. I fear nothing will assuage me.

The worst part is, all of this is an illusion! I'm staying ill and afraid because of things that truly don't exist! Fears manifest into reality. I know, if I want to become better, I'm going to have to change my thoughts. The problem is, we usually allow our subconscious to rule. Our conscious minds hold the power to accept or reject thoughts, negative or positive, and regulate our experiences - but our subconscious minds provide the emotion for us, and we usually surrender to that emotion and ADD to it, instead of taking the effort to change it.

I thank Liora Leah -deeply- for speaking to her we-Guides for me, and I thank her we-Guides for speaking to mine. What they say is true, I know it's true, but why can I not convince myself?
Regardless, I will continue to follow what they have instructed. I really respect
them...

I feel awful that my we-Guides have been trying to speak to me, but I cannot hear.

I try to talk to you, Guides! Please don't think I'm ignoring you! Please don't think I don't appreciate that you try to help me! I'm really trying to hear you, I'm really trying to speak to you, I just don't know how...