|
Water Fasting Day #13
Water Fasting Day #13
Date: 7/13/2013 2:15:00 PM ( 11 y ) ... viewed 16659 times
Very tired today. It’s 3:00pm and I’ve slept on and off all day. So tired. I’m out of breath from just rolling over in bed or walking from my bedroom to the bathroom. Sometimes I get dizzy on the way, and have to sit on the couch for a few seconds, and then it goes away. Need to careful when getting up too quickly. I’ve been having the weirdest dreams I’ve ever had in my life. Last night I dreamed my dad died. He’s already dead. It was terrible. Then dreamed of car accidents, and then my therapist hiding me in her house in a drawer that included a bed, as I was fearful of my ex-husband. My ex is a sketch, A therapist friend (not my therapist) told me to write down everything I’m grateful for so this weight loss mission doesn’t become a suicide mission (in my mind it already has). I couldn’t think of anything due to my judgement being impaired. I have family and friends but feel like a burden, so that didn’t cross my mind. I isolate and rarely see them or talk to them. I rarely leave my house (or my bed) except to go to work, some of which I can do from bed. I have a $35,000 check coming in the mail, and I really couldn’t care less at this point, where I was excited about it prior to this fast. When the sight and feel of my ribs and hip bones become more important than anything else, logically I know that’s a problem. It’s very easy to get sucked in to. It’s happened before. I was hospitalized weighing close to 85 pounds at 5’ 5" a few years ago. When I left the hospital a couple of weeks later, I couldn’t fit into the pants I wore upon admission, because I was up to 120 at that point. I couldn’t button them, and was pissed, even though I did enjoy having my breasts back. I vividly remember breaking down in stores while shopping for pants, and having to shop in the little girls section for clothes. I went quickly from a size 4 to a 2 and then to a 0. After that, I tried the teen section. Nothing fit there either. Cute little girls jeans with bedazzle-looking crap on the back pockets did nothing for a woman who had to dress professionally for work. I settled on baggy size 0’s, and often cut holes in belts to use to keep them up. Oh, the memories.
Add This Entry To Your CureZone Favorites! Print this page
Email this page
 Alert Webmaster
|
