I hear you! I feel you too! Sometimes we manage to dig ourself into the pits of dispair and can't figure out how to get out on our own.....thats where I am....on a rollercoaster ride of ups and downs.....

Your mentioning of suicide was obviously a cry for help....perhaps you wanted to hurt your son for some reason....only god knows.

Keep writing, it really helps me...and seek help, you don't have to go at it alone.....there is always someone out there that has it worse off than you.

Try making a list of some of the good things that are going on in your life. Keep it real simple....

For example, I have a roof over my head and don't have to worry about finding something to eat tonight.....there are a lot of people who struggle withot food and shelter every day.