I read your blog and was quiet impressed with the way you are thinking about your situation. If your boyfriend is in a 12 step program i think that is a amazing stroke of luck for you in your delima with his addiction and you joining him there will give you the tools you need as well for how you handle all your problems. I was in recovery for 3 years through AA and NA and being around other people like me trying to get my life straight was one of my biggest turning points in my recovery and then learning the steps and applying them to my life continues to benifit me today and for the rest of mylife. If it wasn't for the things i learned in these rooms I would never have recovered. I would incorage you to go to meeting with him you may feel out of place at first but if you listen to people talk you will find that they are suffering from the same things you are only they use an addition to numb then from thinking about it. I understand your frustration with addiction. I have a short tolerance for it now myself but it constantly reminds me "But by the Grace of God there go I". Good Luck.