- just when i thought i was in control by ausjulie
18 y
3,883 15 Messages Shown
Blog: journal of my 30 day juice fast
out pops its nasty head emotional eating. combination of things lead to it but basically i lost control. last nite i binged. not so much that what i ate was bad it was more the manner in which i ate. i couldnt get it into my mouth quick enough. i scoffed down so much fruit i nearly burst and it was straight out of the grocery bag i didnt even make it to the car. this was a regular occurence BF (before fast) but this is the first time in close to 6 months i have doen anythign remotely liek this. then i got home and craved beer and peanuts well i sculled two beers and two huge handfulls of roasted peanuts.
okay i have talked about my cravings before and i acknowledge them and allow them but this was different. normally i plan what i will eat. for example i wanted sushi really bad so i said ok saturday you have as much sushi for lunch, the day before yuo eat raw and day after raw and i run to make up for it. but this cravign just took hold and i didnt plan and i gave in and lost control.
what lead to it is a cobination of frustration lonelines celebration and a dont give a f#@$% attitude. frustrated becasue for the last 3 weeks i have only dropped 1 pound despite fasting three days a week raw 2-3 and very ligth meals plus loads of exercise. lonley becasue my husband is constantly away and im sick of being a single mum and i miss him awfully. celebration becasue i finished work for summer and im done and i go home in less than two weeks. yahoo! and the dont give a hoot attitude was i just want to do it, ive lost close to 60 pound one nite of bad behaviour is not goign to undo all this work. all of which are valued emotions but i have learnt to cope with them in the last 6 months minus the food. this time food was the bandaid. i guess old habits are still lurking in the back ground...i need to be vigilent. i am never goign to be normal when it comes to food. i am always goign to have to monitor. mmmmmm.
another interesting thing happened this week i juiced sunday, monday, and tuesday wednesday i decided to go raw. (so not only did i binge i also broke a fast completely the wrong way another first) but while fasting for the first time since i started my journey i really felt like i was depriving myself of food and i just wanted no more of it. i wanted to be normal and stop this whole madness. this is the first time i have felt this i... usually i feel like i am doign such a great thing for my body when i fast and feel better than when i eat. so i have decided to hang my fasting boots up for a bit. i still think it is the best thing i have ever learnt to do but i need to take a break. part of the reason i was fasting was to get down to my goal weight. i am three pounds off...how silly is that. so what! just accept the 3 pounds and get over yourself julie!...is one train of thogut and the other....oh my god you still have more than 3 pounds to go...more like 18 until my body will look the way i want it to. agghhhh i think this is also a result of spending far too much time alone and need my husband with me to feel more normal.
two things happened after my binge (and i know it wasnt that bad what i ate it is again the manner and the loss of control) i of course felt annoyed but i kind of got over that and saw it for what it was a momentary lapse in reason. not goign to beat myself up about it get over it etc etc...but then about 40 min later my body punished me serverly. i have blogged before about my stomach aches which i thought was protein but since discovered it is fat. gallbladder i believe. well the nuts gave me hell. i was doubled over at 10 pm, 11.30 pm, 1.3pm 4pm and finally asleep at 5pm. i did managed to catch some sleep in between what i can only describe as episodes of severe pain. i threw up, i was on the toilet, i was cramped over, i was in the shower, walking around the house, in bed, making hot water bottles to lay on my stomach and back- nothing helped. again i seriously thought about going to emergency room but knew that my body was jsut reactign to the peanuts adn it would pass. god i was pissed at myself for eatign those nuts when i knew what they would do to my stomach. it was a thogut going though my head when i was opeing the shells but i didnt listen.....must listen to my thougths. so.... i am definately in need of a liver flush which i cant commit to over summer. so fat is off the menu (well it was never on but lets just say those damn peanuts where not worth it). i am definately going to fix this problem but jsut not now.
and as far as the whole goal weight thing well maybe im there. i am now done to a size 8 some things a size 6. i weigh 143 pounds at 5'4' and thats not too shabby. i was 200 pounds at the start of this year in a size 18 or 16. i do still feel like i want to lose more wieght. but not at the cost of my sanity. not at the cost of the growth i have made, the strengh i have found and the power that is mine. so its all about living and lovign and moderation and this is my goal.
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ausjulie
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- sounds to me like by finallyfaith
18 y
1,273
| you are really getting in touch with your body and what its telling you, and have a pretty good ability to be honest with yourself, those are good things. thanks for sharing, keep up the good fight.
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finallyfaith
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- You're doing more the awesome! by teleskier
18 y
1,335
Its all a process and your'e doing just what you should be doing....learning! I have two things that to share.... 1) Your body absolutely needs good fat to maintain health. Good fat is very good for you and an integral part of nutrition. 2) Liver flushes aren't hard at all and take only 1/2 day out of your active life. They are much easier than they sound. You don't really have to do much preparation...really just make sure you take malic acid for a week or two before hand. That is really the only prep. Then you don't eat fat one day (should be easy for you!) and don't eat anythign after 2:00 pm. Then next day, you will need to be near a bathroom for about four hours. That is all. (although I recommend you read up on liver flushes as much as you can.)
I really encourage you to look into it...I am worried that your last episode might be the next step to a more serious gallbladder attack that you won't be able to get through, and you will have to have emergency surgery to remove your gallbladder. That is a big deal and would really be a shame....especially if you can get ahead of this thing before that happens.
Well, that is my .02. But all in all it is just astoundign that you lost 10 sizes, and all the weight. Yeah, you got it right....YOU ARE THERE! The rest of the weight is just details and part of the process of living.
Be Proud of yourself....so many people on curezone are!
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teleskier
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- Re: You're doing more the awesome! by RawGirl
18 y
1,660
I agree that you are not only AWESOME, but an inspiration!
Thank you for your candor and I agree that you have made so much progress on your journey.
What does your hubby think of your new hot bod?
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RawGirl
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- Re: You're doing more the awesome! by ausjulie
18 y
1,259
| thanks for the great words of encouragement. my husband is amazed at my new look and really proud of me for accomplishing my goals. he has been away most of this year and comes home every 3 weeks give or take. so each time he came home he couldnt beleive the changes. he loved me the way i was and it truly didnt matter to him but the weight loss has definately spiced things up a bit. more so becasue of my confidence.
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ausjulie
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- Re: You're doing more the awesome! by ausjulie
18 y
1,294
| i really needed to hear the things you said today. thank you so much. yes i am very worried about the gallbladder situation and i know i need to fix it. i need to read up on liver flushes. the main reason i havent done one to date is becasue i thoguth you needed to do a parasite cleanse first. i tired to do this a few weeks ago and it jsut didnt work out. i keep forgettign to take the damn stuff and it really increased my appetite. i also thought you had to do a number of flushes to get all the stones out. i didnt wnat to start and then stop. i am off to australia for 2 months in a weeks time and it is just not possible for me to flush while there. i am staying with relatives and friends and i think a flush is something i would want the comfort and privacy of my own home. i will investigate further so when im ready i will be full of knowledge. thanks once again. i do need to be more proud of myself and enjoy the progress.
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ausjulie
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- wow!! by tambee
18 y
1,384
So it sounds like you are really into the juice fasting. That is an amazing amount of weight to loose!! You must feel so great. I would like to loose about 30 pounds before my Wedding next year.
I am going to buy a juicer this weekend. I don't think I have it in me to fast for 20 days at a time. But, I am thinking of doing little three day fasts once every few weeks just for a boost.
Any recommendations?
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tambee
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- Re: wow!! by ausjulie
18 y
1,402
| i am a true convert to juice fasting and cannot wait to do another long fast. the short ones i have done to lose the remaider of my weight have being great but not as good as the long one. my main reason for the short ones is becaseu i wanted to incorpate my old life with my new. so i dont fast on w'ends becasue we socialise a lot and i like to have a drink with friends etc. i also want to be able to enjoy meals with family and friends. but the fasting enures the weight loss and i have got to say every one i have done except the last one i have felt better than when i eat. i sleep better too and have more energy. i can run much further and faster when i juice. but that beign said it is also gettign the alcohol out of my system which makes me feel better too. but you really have to find out what works for you. read up on fastign, makign sure you know what to expect and just play around with it. try short ones maybe you will suprise yourself and find the challenge of a long fast is something you want to try. but whatever you do the simple fact of adding fresh juice to your diet will be extremely beneficial.
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ausjulie
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- oh sweet julie oh sweetie by annaconda
18 y
1,611
I'm so so sorry to hear the pain coming through... I think of you all the time.
Listen - you really have done amazing work, but you do need to find a middle ground. Your body can subsist on raw, but really a life of moderation includes fats and carbs. Especially if you're really doing loads of exercise. YOu've got to eat protein and fat. If you're running, especially. You'll run your body into the ground.
My dear - I can't believe this was your first binge feeling in 6 months. You're going really hard on yourself. You've lost tons of weight and that's amazing, but you need to be OK. I feel like your husband is going to come home and find you a little bit of a mess.
You've made it. Now have some compassion for yourself. I think you've got to try to moderately introduce some stuff back into your diet, before you do damage.
Love to you. Let me know if you need anything.
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annaconda
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- Re: oh sweet julie oh sweetie by ausjulie
18 y
1,551
| thanks for your very wise words. i know it all to be true and it was really just a bad week. bad decisions. but back on track now. i am very sensible with my diet and make sure i listen to my body and make good choices. i have no problem eatign fats adn carbs if that is what i want. adn your right i was a bit of a mess last week. but honestly that is not near as messy as i was befroe christmas this year. i am much stronger healthier and happier. so please do not be worried about me. but it is nice to know that your out there wathching my back. thanks mate!
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ausjulie
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- Hi Julie by midge
18 y
1,424
Gosh, you're doing so awesome! You've lost your weight, you're exercising, still eating right with only a few set backs, that's AWESOME!! Yes, it will be a struggle for the rest of your/our lives. Are we willing to do that? I don't know.
Keep it up girl, you're doing great.
Midge
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midge
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- Re: Hi Julie by ausjulie
18 y
1,483
| oh god yes...answering your question about sticking at it for life. i feel amazing so much better than i have for the last 10 years. i am in control food does not control me. i am stonger more emotioanlly balanced. and as a result of that my life is so much better. i also look darn good...not stunning yet but that will coem with more work..but so much more like me like the way i was intended to look.
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ausjulie
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- Be Proud by tambee
18 y
1,311
Hey Lady,
After reading your blog, it sounds as if you have made amazing leaps and bounds. You have truly succeeded and are doing wonderful with your goals. You should reward yourself for your accomplishments and don't beat yourself up for being human.
You are doing great!
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tambee
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- Re: Be Proud by ausjulie
18 y
1,394
| thanks and yes i am very proud. soem days i jsut forget but mostly i am happy with my accomplishments and my change in lifestyle. your words of praise reminded me today so thank you
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ausjulie
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