Date:   9/18/2007 3:38:15 PM ( 17 y ago)
Hits:   1,456
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=966745

I wonder if anyone has some existential insight onto food issues. I totally feel for anyone suffering from an eating disorder. I think perhaps I was blessed with a high enough self esteem that I am determined not to go so far down that road... yet my food issues are still such that I battle constantly with food issues. I don't want to get big, I want to eat healthy. "Just stop eating bad food and eat only fruits & veggies" some say. If they say it like *snap* it's just so easy, they obviously don't understand those with food obsessions. I've taken diet pills. I've binged and purged. I've fasted, but never with the intention to starve. I started becoming more and more self-damaging but I didn't like my mindset that way, I didn't like not liking myself. So I stopped that, and imperfect as my body is, I don't torture myself over it. Still, I *try* to be healthy & slim, but get so out of control sometimes, then I try to concentrate. If I had a more negative insight, I think I would've spiraled into bulemia. As of now, I've merely flirted with it.

I wonder about it though - generally my mental health is very good, and I'm so sensible. Why should this even be a problem? It feels so compulsive, so external to who I am/want to be and so foreign. From readings on this site or personal insight, I wonder what people think may be the cause of eating issues, such that it is a many-years struggle? Is it the years of eating badly having embedded biological dependencies/addictions in my system, and eventually cleansing activities will rid me of cravings and binge type impulses? I wonder if it is mostly biological, partly mental. I don't emotional eat - I'll be going about my normal day, whether it's a good day or a bad day, but sometimes, independent of mood, I'll be in control & comfortable or I will have a constant underlying search for food. I don't know, blah blah blah, wondering if anyone who UNDERSTANDS has insights or thoughts to share. Thank you.
 

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