Date:   9/5/2007 1:30:33 PM ( 17 y ago)
Hits:   5,500
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=957497

No, you are not "worthless". You're just determined to live your life without love, even though you feel a need to be married to someone who will love and take care of you, without giving these feelings in return.

I'm not saying people need intimacy to be happy. But I think, in order to like and respect ourselves, we at least need honesty. Are you being honest with these men, sharing your thoughts about your emotional position prior to marrying them? Or just using them, ala the Black Widow?

I think the cycle itself is wearing upon you. You already know when you get married it won't last, and that you'll do this again and again. Your enormous attempts to keep from getting hurt are also keeping you from finding peace and joy.

You wrote to this forum, so even though you knew the answer to your question, you're still searching for something. It sounds as though you've become an island, pretty much empty, isolating yourself and feeling nothing. Do you remember when it was you first thought this is what you wanted for yourself? Think about the events that put that into motion for you. It may help you find the answers.

Remember there is a middle ground, not everything is extreme love or extreme hurt. Allow yourself to feel a smidge more and dip your toe into the water. If hurt comes your way, accept it and know it need not become a permanent condition. Allow it to pass and know you will recover. This will help you to feel alive again.

 

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