Date:   9/4/2007 7:00:27 AM ( 17 y ago)
Hits:   5,659
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=956523

"or I didn't really love him in the first place".
Are you insane, how could you not love this guy?


"but I won't allow that to turn into sex. I'm sabotoging myself" ( EXACTLY, you have low self-esteem and high expectations for yourself). You want to be "DESERVING" of him.


You've convinced yourself that he should have the desire to,... not "leave", but ESCAPE from such an evil, unworthy, and disgusting person as you (these are not your words, but they are your thoughts, you have LOW self-esteem) and say "he's planning an 'escape'. AND I DON'T BLAME HIM" (stop judging yourself, where did you learn this?,...probably in childhood).


You CAN'T be worthy of your husband (no one could), yet he loves you and your flaws (low self-esteem, idiosyncracies, etc.) are cherished instead of merely insignificant (uncommon).

"Worthy" of him is an unreasonable expectation. Sometimes people tell their spouse "I don't deserve you". What your husband "GIVES" to you (and does for you) is because of His "graciousness", not because of any "worthiness" (this is TRUE love, he cannot GIVE 'love' if you are/consider yourself "worthy"). You are trying to be worthy and "measure up" (do you think he would place such [unreasonable] demands on you?,...ease up on him,...you can also ease up on yourself while you're at it, he's not an ogre or a tyrant,...maybe you haven't noticed? or maybe you just haven't given him credit/recognition, shame on you).

Because you've convinced yourself that emotional intimacy is a lost cause, you've emotionally "given up" and refused to "FEEL" EMOTIONAL intimacy (you are sabotaging the relationship).


Neither can we FULLY recieve God's grace until we truly recognize our unworthiness.
Your relationship is on that level (uncommon).

Life is not supposed to make sense, if it did, all of the excitement, suspense, and adventure would disappear. Love (TRUE love) does not make sense either, it goes BEYOND rationality. Get used to it, this is what you have to live with (disappointed?).







 

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