Date:   9/3/2007 2:01:21 PM ( 17 y ago)
Hits:   5,770
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=956107

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This is a HUGE problem, and you already know the problem is yours,not his.

You need to do something fast if you want it to change. It seems by your post that you do want it to change, but you are not going to change it by doing the same thing over and over and wondering why the results don't change.

It is not that he is not doing what you think turns you on. You are not responding to what you have responded to in the past. You have to change; you have to take responsibility.

You are not happy because of your own low self esteem. You have to work on that - big time. Make a list of what makes you feel good about yourself and do the whole list as often as you can. Find a support group, any support group, and listen to how others handle their problems. Watch your self talk. Don't just say over and over, why do I do this, but tell yourself you do deserve a good life with a good sex life. Don't expect things to change the first week you say this, or change your tactics. It may take six months.

You have let the sexual thing get out of hand, and now he doesn't even try. He may be seeing someone else. It works at 3AM because you don't have your defenses up, and are not watching every minute to see if you are going to respond or not. You are just not able to let yourself feel the pleasure when you think about it.

Try this. At first, you seduce him. As often as you can, every night if possible. While you are seducing him, don't think of your own pleasure, but if you start to feel something, ask yourself why you are not letting yourself feel more. Tell yourself, this is my responsibility--my orgasms are my responsibility and I have to let go enough to achieve it. I went from one orgasm to multi orgasmic in this way. It works.

Also consider that the years and the company of children all day may have decreased your libido. Get some Korean ginseng and a homeopathic remedy by Newsom or Newport or something like that called Spanish fly. The latter is sold in health food stores. Take them one hour before you seduce him. Get up to a dose that works for you.

He sounds like a great guy. Men need only food, sex, and respect. It is us women who are so complicated. You already know he is a keeper, and it is you sabotaging the relationship. Because of how you have described him, I would talk to him when he questions why you have become assertive sexually. Tell him you know you have been sabotaging the relationship and you repent. That you are going to take the responsibility for your orgasms, and to let you experiment until you find your path. That you RESPECT him, think he is a great guy, a good provider, a good father, and you don't know why you have trouble responding but you are not only willing to change, but are going to change.

If you want to save this relationship, you can. Do you want to?
 

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