Date:   8/29/2007 3:42:15 PM ( 17 y ago)
Hits:   1,424
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=952779

Me again!

I find it important to say ThankYou for readind me. Ive been posting for only a few days but I am positive about the fact that it is helping me much.

For one; it's geting me out of the house, giving me some mission! Lately, the only things that would force me out were the dreaded visits to the doctor (I use to cancel a lot but am now commited to go, good day or not) or my nightly escapade to get my Binge supplies! In those moments, I catch myself walking like a convict, shoulders down, head low, unable to look at anybody in the eyes. Its usualy when I'm that stressed that I go for the ugliest food, items that will surely numb my body, my mind for as long as possible...part of me is crying "give me junk so everything will become cloudy and cold so i wont have the energy to face the fact that my life is so little, so sad"

Yes, posting here is therapeutic. I am making a point of being honest with you and above all with myself. I cannot share the fears and joys of my present situation with many...Like if I'd tell my Mom that I'm so glad cos I didnt binge yesterday implies that I DO binge on other days and that i'm not comfortable with. She's aware of me being depressed but not so much more...and I dont want do become a weight for the few friends I'm still in touch with.

There may b only 2 or 3 of you reading me and thats just fine. Geting your replies fills my heart with joy but I'm not EXPECTING u to do so...knowing the way I am I'd start feeling down when u dont!!!

English may be my second language but I love it...and by the way, reading the dictionary if one of my tricks to avoid a binge! Sometimes it works, sometimes not!

Enough for today. Just know that I am grateful for you being there!

Sof*
 

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