Date:   8/27/2007 5:18:08 PM ( 17 y ago)
Hits:   536
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=951295

Hi girls! (well r there any boys in the house!)

I notice that this forum isnt the busiest these days! Hopefuly it is a sign that more or less the world is healing and we r the only few left with our ED monsters!

Im just comming out of therapy. I always feel better after a good long talk with my doctor! The last few days have been hard, Ive been mostly in bed sleeping off my nightly binges, doing all I can not to think...feeling like it has to stop...and kidding myself that tomorrow is gonna be a new day! I must be the queen at making myself believe that its all gona change tomorrow...its so hard to accept that changes wont come easely...Like Bella, all I want is to go back on a fast, make peace with food and myself and get on with my life...but this will take energy.

Lately I have become more and more anxious about the dammage I've caused to my physical and mental health...Im so scared that Im at that point where I cannot go back to having a balanced life...that maybe I went to far and from now on Ill have to live in the shadow of what I use to be, of what may have been...I feel like a flying star...gone dark...the light is off and Im so scared its never gonna come back on again.

Anyway, appart from increasing the prozac Ive now got some kind of anti-anxiety...valium like pills...this may help me to go out of the house and start doing stuff. the situation is now that I cannot leave my appartment cos Im feeling so vulnerable when Im out there, its as if its writen on my forehead that I do awfull stuff when Im by myself, Im scared that it will show on my face that Im so lonely and ashamed...Im terrorised at the thought that some guy will walk out of the crowd and tell me he knows how disgusting I am...

its not rationnal I know!but its eating me.
 

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