Date:   8/24/2007 2:14:25 AM ( 17 y ago)
Hits:   3,220
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=948889

hello again!!! i just wanted to let you know that we are so incredibly alike it's unreal. i myself have lost all of my best friends this last year. i have been bulimic for over a year and a half. there was that brief four or five months i was on that raw diet but i can't remember what triggered it but i started binging again. throughout that time i pushed everyone away. my boyfriend and i broke up and i lived alone and it got so bad. i wouldn't even let people in my apt because i was embarrassed because of that bathroom ( use your imagination) and if there was trash and food boxes and stuff. i was soo embarrassed. i also stopped talking to my family, especially my mom and my grandma. we are a very close family, and now i'm able to somewhat talk to my sister and she knows i "did" have a problem. i still refuse to call anyone in my family that isn't my sister. i cant talk to them. i guess i never realized that maybe i've been battling Depression too. i'll have to think about it. the only times i were really happy was when i was out drinking with my coworkers, at least then i was alone and had to deal with my battle of eating and needing to eat all the time and then throw it up. it gave me such a sense of power over something. in fact i've even been avoiding a girl who's wedding i'm supposed to be in in a couple months and one of the reasons is that i'm afraid i wont fit my dress anymore, that is so shallow and disgusting but the truth. the other reason is because i'm afraid to talk to her....dont know why i just am. i just wont call anyone. and now that i've moved to this new city i'm still alone, which is why i post and check on here all the time =) i feel kinda creepy but at least it occupies the time. i'll be working a lot more here soon so that should help. anyways, the point of me saying all that is that i know exactly where you're coming from.

i also love that fact that you are also a very social and outgoig person but yet still battle disorders and other stuff like this and depression. it's like an oxymoron to me. i never would have thought that i would be in the sitation that i am. everyone is always like oh you're so nice, or funny, or blah blah and i just want to be liek "if you only knew..." how did this happen to us??

i agree that living by yourself def has it's plus and it's bonuses. it hasn't really helped my problems yet. i'm so selfish for even still having this disorder but i just can't stop. i keep trying to just eat raw, and if i do eat and keep it down it is all raw vegan food, but i still have a food obsession. like i dont get it. i'm home alone all day by myself and i've been binging since i got to columbus. everyone says not to do a fast if you have a disorder because it will get worse but honestly i think tha'ts the only way i will ever have a prayer of stopping. i even try posting on here and act like i eat all raw, which i guess in a certain sense i do, but im' just kidding myself. i honestly believe that if i can do a fast i will finally feel a control over my body that i only get when i binge. if i can get that and conquer it then i think i can move on from there.

anyways, congrats on doing the Master-Cleanse for fifty days that is amazing. wow, i couldnt even imagine. that is def something to be proud of. i'm sry that you ended up seeing that guy and went downhill from there. emotions, especially for people like us, can be so easily swayed. guys have always been a pain for me too! hopefully we will get stronger and actually believe that we are in control of our lives and especially our emotions and not let anyone else dictate how we feel and act. we just have to practice it and believe it. obvoiusly easier said than done but whatever.

yeah for you going to your therapy and feeling better!! no i'm not on any medicine and not seeing any therapists. you're it lol no i'm kidding. it has been a relief to post on here. and thanks for listening i'm sorry this is so long i'll stop now.

post whenever you can and talk about whatever

ashley
 

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