Date:   7/26/2007 7:08:07 PM ( 17 y ago)
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URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=927473

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I understood that! Being understood is such a challenge sometimes, isn't it? I just posted a short little message on the Astrology forum sort of on that same subject. I am not only a woman, but I am a double Capricorn with a moon in Pisces, and this make me a rather odd combination of "feet on the ground" and "head in the clouds". This is quite a streach, to say the least, and the result is that I don't seem to fit in anywhere and finding someone I can relate to is nearly impossible. Sometimes I would give my very soul for someone to talk to whom I could really relate to and vice versa. This does not necessarily mean romance...just someone to understand me and accpet me as I am.

As I have gotten older I find that my dog and I are pretty much it, and while that is OK, sometimes it isn't, but it seems to be my destiny for all attempts to change it have not and I vascillate between acceptance and its less then wonderful cohort, resignation.

I do believe in free will, but I also believe in destiny and it has been my experience that destiny comes first, at least on the big issues. I have been spending the past 3 years writing a book about my life and in it is a "baseball story" that backs this up. To make a long story short, I nearly got hit in the temple by a baseball, but was saved from possible death or worse by a voice from another dimenstion that told me to "sit up", which I did in the nick of time. I have shared this story with a few others to find that they, too, had been saved by being told to "pull over" or "stop" at the last moment before a fatal accident, such as being grand slammed by a drunk driver or walking off a cliff in the fog.

I believe we were all saved because it was not our destiny to have these horrible things happen and Divine intervention was the only way to stop it, but if had been my destiny to get hit by that ball, I would not be writing to you today. People get hit by balls and cars and have fatal falls from high places all the time.

My point is, there are things we cannot change. I was not my destiny to be hit by that ball, but all my life it has been my destiny to be alone. Prehaps my life lesson is to learn how to face myself...prehaps I am paying back karma for being nasty to everyone in past lives...I have no idea. I consider all that stuff to be highly speculative. Nevertheless, I have done it all...yoga, meditation, microbiotics, fasting, Falun Gong, Divine Light...spending weekends in retreat in silence...even marching off into the desert to meditate in power vortexes all night with Rama in Lakshimi...but I have not been able to scratch the surface on this issue. I have been an exotic dancer, a legal secretary, and I have back packed all over Europe....and I found real love once at 18, but he left me, and while I had many others, in the end it still it boiled down to just me and my dog.

Now, how to like them apples?
 

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