Date:   7/14/2007 4:01:51 AM ( 17 y ago)
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URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=918720

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It should be recognized that there are different kinds of forums here at CZ. Most are about health and philosophies, but the Relationship forum and Abuse forums are about personal experiences with other people who are close to us. Those who frequent the Relationship forum (myself, Soulful Survivor, MamaCrow, etc.) are experienced and sensitive in matters of suffrage and can offer feedback that is more relevant than those who are inexperienced in matters of SUFFERING through a bad relationship.

One of the first signs of a bad relationship is continued unhappiness because the victim is in the habit of making EXCUSES (and being apologetic that they complain) for the abusive person. ABUSERS tend to constantly COMPLAIN about EVERYTHING in life (their CONSTANT COMFORT is an obsession to them), but VICTIMS have actual OBJECTIONS to how they are treated (not simple COMPLAINTS) because their objections are perfectly VALID. There is no justifiable (no "GOOD") reason that a loved one should be denied genuine HAPPINESS (this is the OBJECTIVE that a victim should notice they are being denied and deprived of and should be getting from a loved one). The abuser will offer fabricated (made up) EXCUSES by convincing the victim to ACCEPT (training/conditioning) continued unhappiness/abuse. The victim should realize that victims have a GENUINE sense of love (tender heart with SENTIMENT, not mere EMOTIONAL love) and should not just expect the SAME in return, but should expect the return to include "attempts" to SURPASS (or be worthy of) what the victim has to offer.

The victim also carries their "apologetic tendencies" into daily life and will tend to accept mistreatment from friends, family, aquaintances and any stranger that joyfully notice their "apologetic tendencies" and realize that the victim can be easily manipulated by "tugging at their heartstrings" (pushing their buttons). The fact is, victims tend to be tender-hearted and want to be helpful. "Less than honorable" people who are not completely self-sufficient find this quality in a person very attractive and useful. They will "convince" you to have "insecurities" so that you can be useful to them and serve their best interests. If you just happen to have no REAL insecurities at the time (because you just mind your own affairs and do not bother anybody), they will make a habit out of constantly asking you IRRELEVANT (pointed, not innocent) questions in order to find out how to manipulate (use) you with guilt, shame, humiliation and intimidation.

Most questions in casual daily life are IRRELEVANT busybody questions because the person asking the question has made the UNJUST/unauthorized decision that they have a justified reason for "getting into your business". Even when you point out to them that they are not justified in getting into your business, they will try to convince you to ACCEPT their interference as "HELP" that you are NEEDY of, but will not apologize for their deception that they presented their questions as purely academic and relevant to the conversation.

For any SOLUTION, a problem can only be defined as...the OBJECTIVE "unsatisfied".

Crossposting is best kept "in context".





 

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