Date:   7/11/2007 2:53:38 AM ( 17 y ago)
Hits:   1,670
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=916694

Over a year ago our daughter (early 20s) had a child with her boyfriend. He is divorced, 14 years older than her and has a child with the ex. After their child was born, she and her BF moved in with his mother. He decided to go back to school to improve his skills. Not a bad idea since it is in a field that is in much demand. So the 3 of them live in one room in his mother's house. It's not the best situation since the house isn't very clean and now the baby is becoming more active. Our daughter works full-time. At first this worked out well. He was home while she worked and vice versa. The idea was that once he finished his training they would get a place of their own. Well--he finished his training and now decided that he was going to take classes in an unrelated field which won't pay as well. So--another year of school. On top of that, we found out that he hasn't paid child support to his ex in months. Apparently, she is very patient--but for how long? In addition, he has gotten lots of speeding tickets and pays a fortune for car insurance. Well-our daughter is paying the bills. I once asked her why they aren't married and she said he was gun-shy since he was divorced. So, the situation is shaky. I know he didn't have an easy time of it as a kid. His parents divorced and he was shuttled between relatives' homes so I wonder if he ever got any real guidance. On top of that, they live a thousand miles away from us so we can only visit infrequently.

My question is--given the situation, is it appropriate to talk to him about it? If there wasn't a child involved, I would say nothing. However, we both worry about the child. One thing that also makes me think about talking to him--he apparently hopes to one day get full custody of his other child. No judge would award it given their living situation, their marital status, and his being in arrears for child support.

So--what say you? Is this the time to speak up? If it is appropriate to speak up, how do I broach the subject? Or is it better to bite my tongue and zip my lip?
 

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