Date:   6/16/2007 10:49:32 PM ( 17 y ago)
Hits:   7,019
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=898455

"1. He did something hurtful. Yes, there is no doubt in this. However I believe when most people act hurtfully it's out of pain or fear or stress that they are experiencing."

I agree completely. Yet, it doesn't really help to say that to a mom of a rape or murder victim does it? Hence, we don't take firstly into account why an abuser is doing what he is doing, as interesting as that may be, but rather, we first deal with effects of his behaviour. Because, from abuse, it is very hard to protect oneself. But any abuser CAN make a decision not to hurt another. Hence, we all care more for the abused person then the abuser.

2. "A few months ago my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer. That _night_ she went out to dinner and a movie."

They say that wrong analogies lead to wrong conclusions. If your mom was diagnosed with cancer and YOU went out to a strip joint, would that be OK? See, that's a better analogy. Cancer comes from without, without our own free will. Separation and marriage problems are our own doing. It is OK to try and forget one has a cancer; it is not ok to try and forget one has a wife and kids. Never.

4. "4. He said to her "accept me as I am"."
No, he said "take it or leave it". There is a world of difference. "Accept me as I am" could also mean "Please accept me for who I am..." but "take it or leave it" can only be understood as a very arrogant thing to say after you've spent tens of thousands of your kids and wife's money on gambling and strippers.

5." In my initial responses I wasn't trying to lay blame _on her_ but to see if there was something _in her behavior_ that might have set him off and caused him to feel frustrated about getting treatment"

In any learned behaviour, psychological problem or simple psychological game, there is always a "trigger". If he is married to her, then she would be the most likely trigger. Just like a long legged, sexy and happy girl may be a trigger for some rapist to attack her.
And would that make rape OK? No.

Not even if his wife was making mistakes, and I am sure she did otherwise her name would be Jesus, is he entitled to doing what he did.
 

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