Date:   6/15/2007 9:28:20 AM ( 17 y ago)
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URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=897071

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I've just come back to this board after a few days of being away. As usual others here have done a wonderful job of counceling, and I must say in all my years at Curezone, this particular season has brought in some tremendous voices of support and reason. It is a great time for people with difficult and sensitive problems to write in and get valuable, practical and above all, supportive insight.

However not all posts are answered with the same level of knowledge or care, some actually come laced with private and hidden agendas, which if heeded by the person asking for help can further dig them inside their pit. One of the classic symptoms of an abused woman is to look into herself and feel guilty and responsible for her perpetrator's actions. As part of the dynamic, he also will project guilt and responsibility onto her. In more cases than not, it takes years, counceling and deep thought, for the victim to realize just how far her sense of dignity, safety and trust were violated.

It is because I'm personally and keenly aware of this dynamic of guilt and the toxic residues of abusive relationships, that I jump into action when I see a post such as the one here that in very articulate and sophisticated terms, tries to place blame on a woman for her husband's addiction and abuse. Not being a hard core feminist, I believe a woman has a right to want a marriage in which she can trust and feel loved by her husband, have her children in peace and safety, provide the best of all possible upbringing by staying at home with them, and not have to feel like she is expected to "go out and provide" as if staying at home with the couple's children was an automatic admission to lazyness and unworthyness. Although I may add, when a husband does not do his part and becomes an abuser, it is imperative that a woman have sufficient skills to be able to support herself and her children (after walking away from her source of danger and destruction = her husband).

#803.....honey don't torture your brain any longer about YOU being the one who has broken your chidren's home. There is no question that children of divorce are at a major disadvantage. But, chidren of horribly dysfunctional homes are at a much greater disadvantage than children of a one parent home where the home has some semblance of peace and order. Gambling is one of the most difficult addictions to overcome, and the roots that cause addictive personalities begin to form very early on in age. This nonsense about you causing his addiction as a result of your wanting a larger house than was practical, is just that; nonsense, ~evil nonsense. It may have perhaps been impractical on your part, but nothing like that is ever reason for someone to discard responsibilities for their own actions and become a gambling junkie and abuser.

Reader's note: By this response I'm not overlooking the fact that this is a support and not a debate forum. However when someone in a vulnerable position receives advice that may possibly keep them incarcerated in their sick circumstances, then it is time to expose things for what they are.

And BTW, p 0 r n is NOT a non-issue!!!! It alone has destroyed many a home and a woman's self esteem. It is equally destructive to the male psyche, but that is not always as immediately obvious nor will pop-psychology contradict the well funded global brainwash by a multigazillion dollar industry.

Good luck #803...and hurry honey, you have a lot of work ahead of you in order to save your life and that of your children. :-)
 

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