Date:   6/14/2007 11:00:56 AM ( 17 y ago)
Hits:   8,868
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=896115

My husband and I have been together for about four years, married for about three. We have two young kids under the age of three. Last year I discovered he had a gambling problem. He obtained three credit cards without my knowledge, and had been gambling online (lost $12,000.00). When I found out about it, naturally I felt like my world had come crashing down. However, against the advise of my family members, I stayed with him, and decided that I would stick with him, because I thought that was what marriage was about. Anyway, he refused to cancel his cards and continued gambling, but now taking cash advances and going to the race track. I felt like he was coming in the way of me taking care of my kids, because I was too emotionally distraught to even tend to them, furthermore enjoy them, my sister had to come stay with me for a while to help me cope. Meanwhile, he was not apologetic and blamed his gambling on me wanting to stay in a house that we could not afford. Finally when I had had enough, and found out that on my birthday he was at the race track gambling with his brother, and used the family credit card to send me flowers at home, while he gambled using his own reserves, I asked him to leave, which he jumped at.

After being away from the home for 10 days to be exact, he came back with a Tiffany diamond (because I had never had an engagement ring) got on one knee and begged me to take him back. I took him back before asking any questions. Coming to find out later, that he had won money gambling to afford the ring, and that he had been to strip clubs during our time apart. I felt like such a hypocrite for accepting the ring, and attempted to give it back, but he would not take it. I also accepted him back on the conditions that we would go to marital counselling, and that he would cancel his credit cards.

At our first session with the counsellor, he told my husband that he must attend GA which he had been to one tme when he was initially caught, and said he would never go to again. Anyway, each week that he was to attend GA, I basically had to force him to go. Every week after our session, he claimed the counsellor was taking my side. Basically, he was not happy with any attempts at fixing our problems. I felt like we were making progress until our counsellor took two weeks off. Then the lies began again, at which point I learned that while he was away from home, he had been to strip clubs almost every night, and even got lap dances from the girls. Yes we were physically separated, but nothing was official, and I still had hope that we would get back together, because I felt like we were still married. Yet here he was enjoying our time apart. He told so many lies about the strip clubs, first he said that he just went because that's all his friends wanted to do. Then he said that he had only been there one time, and then he insisted that he did not get any lap dances. (I found out about the strip clubs after the therapist said that we should both have access to each other's statements).

Finnally, at our first session back after the break, I broke down and asked the therapist directly was this marriage going to work. At this point he recommended individual therapy for both of us. I kept seeing the same guy, and my husband was supposed to get a referral from the same guy to see someone else, he never bothered. He also refused to see our marriage counsellor again, and refused to attend GA. His new thing was "This is who I am, take it or leave it". I at the advise of my therapist left it.

My questions are:

Is it any of my business what he did while he was away from the house?
Should I have given up on him so easily?
He wants us to be together, and claims that every marriage is rocky in the beginning, and claims that one day we would look back on this and laugh, is he right?

While we've been apart this time, he's kept it no secret that he is still gambling, and going out with his friends. He even ordered p 0 r n on my TV while he was visiting his kids. What should I do?


 

<< Return to the standard message view

fetched in 0.02 sec, referred by http://www.curezone.org/forums/fmp.asp?i=896115