Date:   6/4/2007 12:04:30 PM ( 17 y ago)
Hits:   1,591
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=887064

I've been recently starting to take control of my health and life and am forced to face the issues in my marriage now. Yesterday my husband made me very angry and I just went to bed and ignored him. Today I typed a very long email to him at work but I didn't send it yet. I want to get someone else's opinion on what to do so i don't make things worse.

We've been married for 5.5 years and we have a 3 children under age 5. I'm 25, he's 38. Ours was a whirlwind romance. We met at both of our lowest points and being together completely changefd our lives for the better and never looked back...I moved to NY to be with him and our daughter, anyways everything happened very quickly, I got married, had a baby, moved to a new place(no friends or family), then 1.5 yrs later moved to florida, bought a house , a month later had another baby, he started his new job, financial high came, then the low, a crashed housing market, more struggles, i went to school, was about to start my career and then ...a 3rd baby. now he changed jobs to a better position and is working 6 days a week. I feel like I haven't caught my breath. I'd become a bitter, angry, 60 lb overweight person. I feel like i've been caged for all these years, my life put on hold and that he has not sacrificed anything. He has bad habits he promised he would give up when we met. He smokes weed EVERYDAY, as soon as he gets home from work he heads out back to go do his business and then he plays fantasy sports on the computer, then eats the dinner that i prepared then goes and lays on the couch. If i bug him he will help clean up. He does NOT play with the kids or take them out on his own and if he watches them for me to go run errands,etc I get a guilt trip and the house is torn up when i get home. I feel like he still acts single. I know he never goes out but this is how he was when i met him. He smoked everyday, played his Cds, played fantasy sports and then watched sports. Nothing has changed for him at all. I on the other hand feel like a slave. I am up at 7:30 and cleaning, cooking, take the kids to the park, arts and crafts, more cleaning, dealing with the bills, household problems, repairs, etc, and get to bed at around midnight. When we had real financial problems I was even working on the side to bring in extra money and still doing everything else. I resent that he acts like a child and doesn't take inititative. I have to push him to do everything and he wants me to do everything except bring in a paycheck but then he gets upset that I am an agressive person. I want him to stop smoking weed, regardless of anything else, it is illegal and we have children. I want him to not make me beg him to help around the house. I want him to care about repairs and things that need to be done at home and TRY to help...I am a woman and I remodeled the kitchen myself ( i held those cabinets with one hand and screwed them in with the other)I wired in the celiing fan when I was 8 months pregnant...why can't he just try? I want him to put my needs and our children ahead of his for once. To care enough to try, to appreciate us. To thank me once in awhile and be affectionate.
Everytime I try to bring anything up even as calm as i can, he says I am attacking him and that he does whatever i ask (even though he OBVIOUSLY doesn't or I wouldnt be asking for the same thing for 6 years) and then he completely insults me to get me to shut up and leave him alone. Oh and he hides behind this "i'm a Scorpio leave me alone act"

I guess I want someone else's perspective. I know I am angry and I do yell alot and say things I shouldn't, and I apologize but I always feel like my actions should speak louder than my words. I don't want to be angry anymore and I'm trying to change things but i guess I feel like it won't work becauseI am so resentful of him and how he's content and doesn't care to change. I get so offended when he says i am attacking him because I really want us to work togther, I even told him lets help each other cope with finding out why I am so angry and why you can't stop the smoking....he just said the smoking wasn't a problem and my anger is my own issue to deal with. Okay i know that but i thought we could support each other. I can't keep carrying this weight. I believe that his father leaving the family when he was 11 really didn't help him but my father died when I was 4, my mother married a perverted step dad who abused us and then i was in foster care...the became a topless dancer,etc..so I feel like I have come along way and I guess I am just feeling like he's not trying at all.

Am i expecting too much? What should I do? I love my husband 100% and he is a good, hard working, honest person but this is starting to make me feel like he is sucking the energy right out of me.

Any advice is so appreciated. I'm sorry for blurting this out but since I have found curezone, one after another so many things have begun to fall into place and make sense to me.

thank you

O h and I forgot to say why i was angry lastnight...it was becauseI went out to my friend's spa she works at to have an herbal bath and asked hubby prior if he would mind watching the 3 kids for a few hours. he said it'd be fine..."you'll make it up to me" he said (referring to sex) anyways I was gone a total of 2 hours and he called me twice to say that our 1 yr old cried until he fell asleep " i know he cries when you are home too but still" and then again to tell me to hurry up and bring him a cigar home too (so he could roll a "blunt")(which I didn't get) when I got home the kids had not eaten the dinner I prepared beforeI left and the house was a disaster (that I cleaned all day yesterday)and he was worried about getting sex! I told him they are his kids too and I shouldn't have to reimburse him for him watching his own kids so i could have a break once every 6 months! and why is sex the bargaining tool? I'm not a prostitute!

Anyways thanks everyone!
 

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