Date:   5/31/2007 1:49:46 PM ( 17 y ago)
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URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=884053

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I wanted some Christian advice so I am posting this here. Below is a response that I posted later to someone's advice. It might fill in some blanks and adds more questions. Thanks so much for any advice/ encouragement...... Background: we both grew up in christian churches and kind of went astray. We've been trying to find a church to go to and trying to think things through to get our lives right with God for our own sakes and our childrens.....

My hubby and I have been together for 5 years. We have 2 children and I am 7 months pregnant with our 3rd. Since we have been together, he has had an addiction to p 0 r n. When we were dating I'd watch it with him, but that was the rule, I had to be there. Then I found out he used it a lot without me and we had several arguments/discussions about it. I thought and hoped he was doing better but woke up this morning to him on the computer. He did not lie about it like he used to a year ago (the last time I caught him sneaking it), but it still hurts that he looks at it. ** He doesnt watch p 0 r no videos. I dont think I would care as much if it were that because seeing 2 people having sex gets me off too. He just looks at pictures of naked women and THAT is what hurts and makes me mad!!** It makes me sad because I am fat and pregnant and he gets off looking at these hot girls. He knows how I feel and I know he doesnt look at it to hurt me intentionally. I know its an addiction..... I am the horniest person ever. I love having sex and he finishes every time so I know it feels good for him. I dont get why he would rather look at pictures then get the real thing. I want to help him break this. I know he doesnt like sneaking around, because I could tell by his reaction this morning. It scared the crap out of him that he was caught. I dont want to be like his mom, I dont want to scare him or be mad at him. I dont want him to feel like he owes me because I have something on him. I just want him to stop and I want to help if I can. ANY ADVICE????

Please dont send me anything saying "leave your husband" and please dont send me anything saying "whats your problem? its not a big deal". It is a big deal to me; it has been from the beginning. I am just sensetive and dont want other women getting the attention that should be reserved for me. And my husband is the best guy in the world other than this flaw. He is the best dad, he is the hardest worker, he gives up his weekends to help people out, he lets me buy whatever I want even though he doesnt make the most money, he lets me stay home with the kids because I dont want to leave them to work.... he is so sweet. I would not leave him over this but I want him to be satisfied and I dont want my feelings hurt.

Thanks.....

Ok, Im young, and obviously don't have all the answers; thats why I came on here asking. I didnt want someone to write a one-liner "leave him" because that wouldnt be of any help to me. And Yes I dont want my feelings hurt, but I do want to help him and if that means I have to do something, I'd like to try to do it.

Ok my responses:
Paragraph 3: So I have to get some self confidence so that I can be more visual for him? There has to be a "root problem" that has a solution, cant there?
4: Because people can have orgasms with anyone, does that mean that it's not special even though its with me? Does this mean his isn't satisfied with me? How am I supposed to change this? In my opinion, we dont have sex enough. It's like once every three weeks. But he works in construction. Busting his butt in the cold and heat and I can see that he is worn out and tired when he gets home. But we do have a mutual loving relationship. We are both supportive and encouraging. I am honest and he is about everything except for the p 0 r n obviously.
5: I don't know if what I wrote came out the wrong way, but my point was my husband is wonderful. There are some men, that make their wives work when they would rather stay home with their kids. There are some men that work, and keep all the money and not let their wives go out or spend anything. There are some men that tell their wives they dont want more children and that's that. There are men and verbal and physically abuse their women. I've seen these men on tv and I've seen them from neighbors and other people I knew in the past. They exist. And my husband is not one of them. My husband makes $30,000 a year, and with a mortgage and car payment, regular bills and 2 children, that is not a lot of money. And I never have to ask to buy anything. If we don't have the money, I dont have to ask if I can charge it. I can go out if I want to, buy something if I want it, etc. There are some dead beat dads that are just too lazy to spend time with their kids. My husband wrestles with the boys and watches super hero movies with them, pushes them on the swings, and teaches them about the moon and rockets. I dont get what "Narcissist/Sociopath Forum" comment means.
6: Our oldest is 3 and we would never discuss this in front of him. My husband looks at this on the internet in secret, never in front of anyone, especially our 3 yr old. We watched movies together 5 years ago when we were dating, but we don't have them in the house anymore. What does this comment mean: "The preoccupation with sex as the core of your relationship is unfortunate and will influence your own children as to how to choose an appropriate partner." Is it wrong for me to like sex with my husband? He's gorgeous and he's the father of my children. I love him. He is a wonderful man and I am lucky to have him. I guess I'm thinking that he has an addiction that he needs help with and I'm trying to be supportive and help him. If it were alcohol or drugs, the same thing would be required of me. It hurts me more because it's personal; it's other naked women. In my mind, maybe not to others though, hes having a mental affair and I want him to be faithful to me. We do have a good relationship/marriage together. I just think it could be better and I'd like to aim for that goal.
What do you think? I wouldnt mind counseling but I dont even know what to say. And we really dont have any extra money right now with a new baby on the way....



 

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