Date:   5/31/2007 8:39:51 AM ( 17 y ago)
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URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=883834

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My husband and I had a kind of similar problem. We have been married for close to 30 years. He has always been more "in love" than me. I was too at first, but some of the ways he could be mean when he was a young man killed a lot of that. I always still cared about him but sexually, I didn't feel any "romance" through the years I didn't do anything about it. But, in my thirties, I got a crush on someone and it occupied all of my thoughts. It was mutual and the romance seemed to fill that empty spot. That relationship never became real as far as physical. But, fun anonymous letters were sent among other things. I could tell when my husband and I made love that he was emotionally involved and touched but I didn't feel the same.

Then over the next 10 years or so, I ended up having 2 affairs. The romance, the picnics at parks, all that stuff. But, I always felt guilty. My husband had mellowed over the years and he also, as your husband is sweet, caring, giving, etc. I'm not sure where that narcissictic comment was derived, I know you just worded things the simplest way to get your point across, and set forth the things you didn't want to do.

What I did was tell my husband about my behavior. It was difficult. He had no idea. We talked and talked. Over a periods of many months.He explored his options and decided he still loved me and wanted to stay together. But, he had a lot of resentment. I promised certain things that would make him feel more secure about where I was and what I was doing. He confronted one of the people. I didn't want him to, but it did help. The 2nd person had committed suicide since I had known him and lived in a different state. But, my husband looked into hiring a private investigator, and then ended up doing the investigations himself.

But, we both loved each other and aside from months and months of talking--he wanted every detail over and over. I did finally have to put a stop to that.

But, we began to be closer than ever. We made love every day, he was feeling the need. We cuddle while sleeping. I did everything to make him feel special. We took baths, gave each other massages, held hands, kissed. I was getting what I had always wanted with my own husband! But, we found that non-sexual loving gestgures when sincere are very healing. Our marriage has never been better. He doesn't throw what I did up in my face. I am a much better wife. I do so much with pleasure around the house knowing he will notice and appreciate it. It has given me a new appreciation for everthing I've been blessed with and this is the happiest time of our lives as a couple. I don't want to downplay how difficult it was though, the "talks" were very heated many times. He was pretty tough on me. I'd be so tired and he'd pick then to want to talk.I had counnseling also. It was so worth it. With the history we have I would never want to give him up. Hope this helps. Also, men usually base a lot of their self worth on their ability to provide. I would let him know often and regularly how proud of him you are for the work he does to make money for the family. Build up how talented and smart he is at doing it. Talk about things he enjoys. Find TV shows you both looke forward to. Make every day a celebration of your home, family, marriage and love. Plan fun things both with and without the kids. Get totally involved in him. I just can't believe what I was missing....he is very romantic and sexual now--that is what we both really needed and wanted.
 

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