Date:   5/14/2007 6:19:17 AM ( 17 y ago)
Hits:   1,384
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=870323

GOOD FOR YOU that you have somehow managed to avoid sex - this guy really sounds like he's engaged in some risky behaviors and, knowing what I do today, I would have already packed up my stuff and gotten out.

You said, "Everytime I try to leave something keeps pulling me back and saying that I need him in my life......" and I will refer back to my previous response: what is it that you "love" about your boyfiend, exactly? What in the world would pull you back to someone who obviously has no respect for you and who treats you like nothing more than a piece of property?

These are very, very serious warning signs that I should have paid attention to before I married into an extremely abusive union:
* I had to keep reassuring my bf of my love and loyalty
* I felt guilty all of the time for something that never really happened
* My spiritual beliefs were used against me, "The Bible says that a Good Wife will..."
* I had to walk on eggshells
* I had to pretend not to care when he discussed his previous conquests
* I had to listen to the thoroughly degrading things that he perpetrated against other women
* I had to compete with his addiction to p 0 r n o g r a p h y
* I was subjected to p 0 r n o g r a p h i c material as a "marital aid" (never knew about p 0 r n until this guy)
* I was expected to submit to humiliating sexual activity and, if I refused, I was physically threatened
* Physical horseplay evolved into serious beatings - pinching, slapping, punching
* I was physically sick all of the time
* I was always falling and breaking a bone (WITHOUT his help)
* I always felt as if I had to explain myself
* I lost all of my close friends due to some imaginary "slight" that they allegedly committed against me and HE was the one to point out their flaws
* I was threatened with suicide if I were to leave him

And, so on. Many of the above examples were dormant until AFTER we were bound by a legal contract of marriage. But, the constant "withold/reward" thing was there from the beginning - if I did something that he approved of, he would pay attention to me, though NEVER in a loving, kind, or safe manner. "Genuine affection" was unheard of from this man - any "intimacy" was a prelude to sex.

Again, what is it that you just "love" about this guy?

Best wishes to you - you'll do what's best for your Self (your Life's Spark).
 

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