Date:   4/4/2007 9:46:27 AM ( 17 y ago)
Hits:   8,997
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=839864

I haven't been here for about a week and I didn't catch your earlier posts, but from your previous post, I got an idea of what the kids are experiencing and I'll try to elaborate on the experience of a child. I grew up in a dysfunctional family and my parents first separated when I was 15 and divorced years later (of course, divorce comes from dysfunctional families). I suffered 51 years of suicidal Depression (not uncommon among children of divorced parents) until last year I became the last living member of my family. All my life I had a feeling that something was wrong (I didn't know where or how anything would be wrong or even if it was a "true" feeling). I never knew what that feeling was, but somehow it was very strong. A few years ago I heard a "man" talk about being the victim of his divorce and wondered how his children would be affected. Then I realized that they will have that feeling also. Not to be melodramatic, but, in short, I am a "man without a country" and could never fully relate/connect MY reality to society (kind of like a "fourth wall", term used in theater for the difference between stage/character reality and audience reality). Months later, I noticed that I never had that feeling again after I realized that the feeling was not because I had done something wrong (I was not at fault for anything).

Divorce (or separation, dysfunctional SET of parents, lack of family integrity and harmony,...NON-INTEGRAL family) means that the child will have the inability to claim a strong family heritage/lineage and not consider themselves a viable part of society. She places all belief and understanding of what is normal and proper living in her parents. In other words, she thinks it is normal, proper and good to be "ragged out" by her father and will continue to think that she should be belittled and ridiculed (and criticized for every discrepancy) for life until she is taught that it is wrong that she be treated like this BY ANYONE,...but she also needs to understand that THIS IS NOT THE PROPER WAY OF LOVE. She is being CONDITIONED (not intentionally for SOCIAL living, but a narcissist does condition their victims to accept future mistreatment) and will feel obligated to always accept mistreatment from strangers and "friends". You will have to let her KNOW and understand that she doesn't deserve to recieve ridicule and belittlement (care must be taken for your own safety, get the mother on your side and make sure she understands to take your back if he gets mad at you). Lack of self-esteem is not the issue, it is more important than that, it is SELF-PERSECUTION (self-abasement) for every imaginable violation of what others might consider proper (she will pick on herself incessantly). She can survive mistreatment as long as she knows and understands that she does not deserve mistreatment, but also needs to understand that she is not at fault. Explain this to her and never let her forget it (you will save her life).

Teach her to know herSELF so she can establish her identity.
 

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