Date:   2/5/2007 8:54:54 AM ( 17 y ago)
Hits:   5,300
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=828701

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I completely sympathize with your situation. And, NO - just because a person is "blood kin" does not make it a sin (literally) to distance one's Self from an abusive person. Nobody (family members, included) has permission to create and instill emotional or physical trauma, PERIOD.

Having said that, if your father (or, anyone else) is coming to your place of employment, it is done so as an overt act of aggression, though it may be veiled. What your father is doing is stalking you. NO, a stalker doesn't have to be sexually motivated - the guy that shot and killed John Lennon didn't have sexual desires on his mind. Family members can be stalkers, too.

The first thing that I would do would be to tell my father that I would be seeking a restraining order against him, that he is to stay away from me, and do it. He is causing fear, unease, angst, and emotional trauma and you have the right to be protected with the remedies of your State Laws. Yes, indeedy - I would get a restraining order, ASAP.

You mentioned that he has threatened you, and I believe you. Did he use specifics or were his threats veiled? Has he threatened to kill you within the last few years, as an adult? How does he say that he'll "take" your children from you? At this point, it would probably be impossible for him to do anything other than to attempt to insert himself into the lives of your adult children - which they will have to control, themselves. If you still have minor children, you may seek a restraining order on their behalf, as well.

If he violates the restraining order, swear out a warrant! The Laws are written to protect, but they cannot do any good unless people take proactive steps.

Most important of all during this whole process of healing is that you will, at some point, need to forgive yourself for a> being a victim b> for having negative wishes for another person. It is quite normal for a victim of abuse to wish harm upon their abuser or themselves - I used to wish that either my dipsh*t ex would get hit by a Mack truck, or that I would develop a fatal disease and die. I could not bring myself to end my own life, or that of another human being's. But, I sure did WISH for the end, either way! I had to forgive myself for that and it wasn't as easy as just saying to myself, "Okay, I forgive myself!" LOL

The reason that I ask about mental health services is that you will probably find great benefit by attending counseling with someone who specializes in domestic violence and abuse, honestly. They are the rare exception who have seen it all as far as abuse goes. They are not ignorant of the roles that narcissists play in people's lives. They are also equipped with practical coping techniques that they will pass on to their clients. And, they will give victims of abuse the ropes and ladders that will help the victims climb OUT of the toilette of abuse and INTO the light of Survival. Your phone book will have a "Mental Health Referral Service" which will direct you to a specialist in abuse survival.

Keep posting,Want2 - your Higher Power knows exactly what you've been enduring all of these years (see: Footprints) and he/she/it did not intend that you (or, anyone else) be anybody else's whipping post! You will get through this, I promise. Just start taking steps to protect yourself, emotionally and physically, by securing a restraining order, if you can. You can email me, if you wish! Best of luck to you and do keep posting - it's a good thing to get it all out on the table!
 

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