Date:   11/26/2006 7:57:11 AM ( 18 y ago)
Hits:   19,334
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=780124

After a blow up last night, I decided to turn toward this forum to hopefully find some advice. Men, some real honesty may help me.

When my husband and I first met, we were very deeply in love with one another (we still are). We were also very very passionate. He couldn't keep his hands off of me. Sex was 2 -4 times a day sometimes. We were crazy in love when it came to being physical. It was anything goes. He used to initiate all of the time. He acted like he couldn't get enough of me.

THEN I got pregnant. During my pregnancy, we still had sex often. He was happy and excited about being a father, and sex never changed during the entire pregnancy UNTIL I had the baby.

And then he took a job working third shift.

After he began working nights and being tired all of the time, mixed with having a new baby....our sex life plummeted into being once a month. Then it went to being once every few months and three years later, not at all.

No more passion from him. No more sexual playfulness. Not even talking dirty, which used to be a big turn on for him seems to turn him off cold.

I thought he was having an affair for awhile, and found out he wasn't.
I thought maybe he was having an internet thing, and found out he wasn't doing that either.

We have had some fights over sex in the past few years. I've begged and pleaded with him to please come back to what we once had. He will promise that things will go back to that, then it never does. After time passes I bring it up again, or try to initiate sex but he pushes me away, gets angry and defensive toward me. He told me to back off of him and stop pressuring him, SO I DID THAT! For an ENTIRE YEAR.

I can't take it anymore :( He told me last night he loved me more than anything, and didn't want us to ever be apart. When i asked him about why he didn't want sex....he just said he was too tired.

So when I asked him about going to a different shift so we can have a normal life again he got mad and defensive and said he wouldn't leave his shift and how leaving could mean less money for us...

I am a HIGHLY passionate person, who needs the physical attention and sex play. I love my husband deeply. I mean....so much that I'd never ever go outside of our marriage to fulfill my needs. He knows this, he knows my needs, but he kicks it off to the wayside.

Right now I feel stuck. I'm wondering why i bother staying in this relationship, if I am to live like I am my husband's room mate! Everything between us is fine. We get along fine, but as soon as I bring up sex....then he shuts down and gets defensive.

Maybe all of this is my fault. I put on 30 pounds during my pregnancy. Over the course of the past three years I've put on 40 pounds more. I think i have been eating to numb my pain of feeling so lonely. My husband just doesn't understand how alone I am. Maybe my weight is a turn off to him.

He says it has nothing to do with my having a baby, or that having a baby affected his sexual desire.

I don't understand and I need some help. Could his lack of desire be attributed to my weight gain? Do not be afraid to be honest please!
Thanks.
 

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