Unfortunately, there will always be a small chance of transmission due to the fact that a person cannot accurately determine when the herpes virus is not active. Even if the outbreak has passed, the herpes virus may be "shedding" itself in the area creating a risk of transmission.
The good news is that many couples have had sexual relations for years without transmitting herpes. Some simply avoid having sexual contact when signs or symptoms are present, while others use condoms or other protection between outbreaks to help protect against asymptomatic shedding (transmission that can occur when no symptoms are present).
Herpes is most easily spread when a sore is present, but, it is also often spread at other times too. Some people notice itching, tingling or other sensations before they see anything on their skin. These are called "Prodromal Symptoms" and they warn that the virus may be present on the skin.
Herpes is most likely to be spreadfrom the time these first symptoms are noticed until the area is completely healed and the skin looks normal again. Contact with the infected area (including oral, vaginal, or anal sex) is very risky during this time.
If there are no symptoms occurring in the infected area at the time of contact there is still a small chance of spreading the virus because occasionally the virus can shed itself at the skin's surface (in the area of infection).
Although it is impossible to predict when viral shedding is occurring it is estimated that it only occurs approximately 5% of days during the year (possibly even less after having the virus for a long period of time) and this is usually during the few days just before and after an outbreak.
It is important to use latex condoms or latex barrier protection in-between outbreaks for additional protection (please see your doctor for alternative barrier methods if you are allergic to latex).
The herpes virus does not pass through latex condoms, and when properly used latex condoms are likely to reduce your risk of spreading or getting herpes, however even the best condoms do not guarantee total safety. When herpes sores occur in places not covered by a condom the condom is of little help, if any. Condoms and foams should not be relied upon when herpes sores or symptoms are present.
Condoms do not guarantee 100% protectionbecause a lesion may be found which the condom did not cover. Used consistently, however, condoms are one of the best available forms of prevention.
Keep in mind that all relationships face challenges, many far tougher than herpes. Good relationships stand or fall on far more important issues -- including communication, respect, and trust.
If you would like to research these topics further, these websites have some great information about transmission, prevention and asymptomatic viral shedding (when the virus can be spread even when there are no symptoms):
One study of couples who avoided sexual contact during recurrences found that, over 12 months, only 1 out of 10 passed the virus on to their partner. In that study, condoms were not used. Using condoms may reduce the risk of infection even further.
I hope this helps to shed a little light on the situation and wish you every success.
